You've Got Mail
by JadeGreen14
Summary: If you told Lily Evans and James Potter that they were in love, they'd call you crazy. But tell the two pen pals, Irish and Stag, that they love each other and they'll agree. Now tell Lily and James that they're Irish and Stag. AU, preHBP
1. Owl Post

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of J.K. Rowling's characters in any way. so sue me. Well, don't. I'm too poor! I also don't own You've Got Mail and it's plot.

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

* * *

"Good morning, sunshine!" Bailey Ashley Hobbs leaned over the sleeping redhead. 

"Drop dead, Hobbs," muttered the girl, annoyed. She made a fist and shook it sleepily at Bailey.

"Call me by my surname, will you?" Bailey threatened. "WAKE UP!" She yelled, and poured water on top of her head, the clear liquid streaming from the tip of her wand.

"Waaah! Aaaa!" Lily Evans yelled. "I'm awake!" She sat up in bed and glared at her laughing best friend. "Blimey, Bailey, what is with you this morning?"

"I just went for a run around the entire school!" Bailey said excitedly, her brown hair threatening to fall out of the messy bun. Blonde streaks were in it, and few wisps of hair dangled around her face. "I found a couple of more hidden passages, and…" She paused dramatically.

"…Well?" said Lily, waiting. Bailey always did this when she supposedly did something really awesome, and always wanted to torture everyone before she told him or her or their dog the "big secret."

"I found the kitchens!" She yelled happily, waking up the other girls in the Gryffindor dorm.

"What? The kitchens?" asked blue-eyed Madeline Basset, who was already drooling for food.

"Oh, cheese, Bailey, go back to bed," said a girl with wavy brown hair. Bailey turned to Virginia, the owner of the voice.

"What's wrong with waking you guys up early? This isn't early!" Bailey protested, shaking her blonde-streaked head. "It's only…" She glanced at the clock.

"5:30 A.M.?" Yelled Virginia unbelievingly. She slumped back onto her fluffy silk pillow.

"Bailey, as much as we love you like a sister," began a nice-sounding voice on a bed in the back. The girl leaning over had straight black hair and kind hazel eyes. It was Jennifer Potter, known to everyone as "Chen." She was the sister of James Potter, who was in the same year as her, though slightly older; as he was planned, but she was a surprise. "Don't act too much like one. Now, repeat after me. I, Bailey Ashley Hobbs, will...go...back…to...bed."

"Heck, no!" Bailey replied determinedly. "I'm not moving from this spot until somebody comes with me to go see the kitchens."

"I'll come with you, I'm starving," said Maddy, who was already putting on her great pink bear-claw slippers. She put on her blue dressing gown and quickly ran a brush through her blonde curls.

"Great!" grinned Bailey, her stormy grey eyes twinkling. "Lets go! Race you there!" With that she dashed out of the room, Maddy running behind her protesting, "But I don't even know where the kitchens are! That's not fair Bailey…"

Lily laughed while Virginia rolled her root-beer colored eyes. She turned over and almost immediately went back to sleep. Chen looked out at the window. There seemed to be some tapping sound.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Hey Lils, looks like you got some mail…" She said, glancing at the odd-colored purple owl bobbing up and down. In it's beak it had some parchment, which was addressed to "Irish." Lily grinned.

"Yes! Joey!" She sprang up from her bed and dashed to the window and shoved it open. Chen lay back down on her bed and closed her eyes, drifting off into a deep sleep. Lily took the owl known as Joey in with her and sat down on her bed.

Lily took the piece of parchment and stroked the purple bird while she read a letter from her long-time pen pal.

_Irish—_

_Prongs is my stag. He loves the grounds of Hogwarts as much as I do. He likes to romp around with dogs and wolves and rats, which may seem uncommon, but this stag of mine is rare. I got him around 5th year. He is a great companion and always keeps me company. He was offered to be the companion of a very rich wizard, but I'd rather have my own companion than more money than I already have. So instead of going out and keeping old fogies company, he spends his time with his "special friends" that I mentioned earlier. Don't you love the start of a new school year? Makes me want to go learn something. Heck, I'd send you a bouquet of quills and textbooks if I knew your name. However, this not-knowing of each other has it's charms. Do you think we would have Charms together if we happen to be in the same year? Get it? Heh heh heh…_

_-Stag_

Lily grinned at the writing on the parchment. She walked into the bathroom and started to reply to Stag's letter.

* * *

James Potter stepped side of the dorm and slowly descended the stone stairs. He had a weird dream last night, more of a nightmare, really. He had a nightmare that him and Lily were secretly pen pals and agreed to hook up. James snorted. Lily and James? _As if! _He hated the girl, and she hated him. It was what you might call a…"mutual hate", really. 

Speak of the devil. There was a red-haired beauty with startlingly green eyes skipping down the staircase and whistling. She seemed in a good mood, unlike James, who was unnerved by that horrible nightmare. But James didn't want anything to get any worse, so in order to avoid communication, he strode quickly to the portrait hole and hopped out and sped down to breakfast before Evans could even think about who just ran by her.

He entered the Great Hall, running one hand through his already messy raven-colored hair. He adjusted his glasses and glanced around the room, looking for people he knew…_certain _people…like, say, Sirius. And there he was. James grinned and strolled up to his best friend, his comrade-in-arms, Sirius Black.

"Sirius! Mate!" He clapped Sirius on the shoulder with his hand and sat down beside the black-haired boy.

Sirius looked at him with his electrifying gray eyes and grinned. "James, my man," he greeted.

On the other side of James sat down a girl with dark brown hair and eyes the color of coffee on an early Sunday morning. She was a great beauty to look at, although you couldn't say that her personality was quite the same. Nenny Pennyflower was quite obnoxious at times, and was very self-absorbed. Behind James' back the rest of the Marauders called her "Nenny the ninny" as they did not like her one bit.

"Eat fast, you're going to be late," James told the brunette as she sat down.

Nenny gasped. "Oh, my gosh, you're right!"

Nenny quickly put ten of every item on her plate and started gobbling it up as fast as she could. "Sorry James I won't be able eat with you as much, as I'm late for yet another club meeting of mine…oh guess what?" she said rapidly in between mouthfuls. "Some friend of my Mom's died the other day, so that makes one less person I'm speaking to…hurry, hurry, hurry!" she urged herself as she downed her pumpkin juice. "Oh, by the way James," she said to him, "there's this party tonight that a bunch of my friends and I are holding in the Room of Requirement."

"And…?" James asked unthinkingly.

"Well, duh. You should come!" Nenny said as though this was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes...please, please, please, oh please!" She begged, making kissy-lips at him. She started hugging him very tightly.

"Fine, FINE!" He gasped.

"Okay, well I have to go to my club meeting now," said Nenny, who hopped up from her seat. She heaved her black bag over her shoulder and tore out of the Great Hall in direction to what looked like the Room of Requirement. Sirius looked at her, delighted to see her leave.

"What's the club she's in again?" He asked James, who seemed to finally start eating. He shrugged.

"How the heck should I know?" he replied, stuffing his face.

"Well you should know, seeing as she's your _girlfriend_," stated Sirius, putting an extra emphasis on the girlfriend.

"Wha--?" said James, confused.

"James, she's a nut. Do you even love her?"

"What? Of course I love her. I…love Nenny! I love her! She makes…coffee nervous." James said, drinking his orange juice.

Sirius laughed. "That's true," he said grinning. "But do you love her?"

James didn't really know himself.

* * *

Down by the end of the table sat Lily among her friends, and her boyfriend Derrick Shrine. Derrick had brown spikey hair and blue eyes which could be complimentary for looks, but who says looks are everything? Most people thought Derrick was too obsessed with civilization and politics, and thought him quite obnoxious. So, for Lily and her loving heart, she fell for Derrick, and hard. They ended up dating for over a year. 

"Look at this Lily!" He was saying to her, brandishing a _Daily Prophet _in front of her face. "Magic carpets banned! And it's all because of children! It's all the kid's fault! I say we rise up in rebellion on even letting the kids get on the stupid rugs in the first place! Man! I can't believe how stupid it is!" he raged. He glanced at Lily, who was staring at him with glazed eyes. "Lily? Lily? Lily? Lily? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? WELL? ANSWER!" He whacked her on the head with the newspaper.

"OUCH!" Yelled Lily, rubbing her head and wincing. "What was _that _for?" she glared at Derrick.

"I'm telling you, look at this article!"

"What silly children," said Lily, rolling her eyes. She didn't exactly agree with Derrick, he was quite weird at times. It's not the children's fault they liked the view so much, they wanted to touch it…She remembered when she was visiting Bailey over the summer and they went on the magic carpet for a ride once. Great view…better than a broom because it was definitely more comfortable.

"This'll be the end to wizarding civilization as we know it!" shouted Derrick. Some people on other tables turned around and glanced hesitantly at him. "What'll happen next? They ban Apparation? Flying? Who knows, we might have to use a muggle way of transportation!"

"But we do use the train on the way to Hogwarts…muggles also use trains," said Lily soothingly. "Don't worry, its fine!" she laughed and returned to her breakfast, rolling her eyes again.

James looked up to see a green owl flying towards him. "Joey!" He greeted enthusiastically, and walked out of the Great Hall so he could have some privacy.

_Stag— _

_Does that explain your pen name? But I can't explain mine to you, sorry. I could be Irish and I might just not. You may never know. I always like to start out my notes to you as if we're in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends as opposed to what we actually are, that we don't know each other's names, and met in some pen pal service where we both claimed to never have used before. However, after all those other disastrous pen pals I had very long ago, you, by far, are my favorite. "What will Stag say today?" I wonder. I look out my window, I wait impatiently as I see an owl approaching, I reach out, and my breath catches in my chest as I mumble those three little words to myself: "You've got mail." I hear nothing, not in the corridors of Hogwarts, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you._

_-Irish_

James smiled. He whistled loudly and skipped for the rest of the day.

* * *

A/N: Was that okay? Did it suck? Just click on that cute little button there and say so! 


	2. Hogwarts in the Fall

Disclaimer: HAH! You think that I'm clever and creative enough to actually OWN Harry Potter? I laugh. Hahaha. Also, me no owny You've got Mail.

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

* * *

As Lily finished gobbling up the last bits and pieces of her big breakfast, she quickly gathered up her books and hand bag and caught up with her best friend, Bailey. 

"Hello Bailey," She said breathlessly as the blonde-streaked brunette turned around to see the bright-eyed girl run to her.

"Lils," She smiled. "What's up?"

"Isn't it just a beautiful day?" Lily said, ignoring Bailey's question. "I mean, isn't it just a gorgeous, beautiful day?"

Bailey shrugged. "I guess, yeah, sure."

Behind them, two Hufflepuffs decided to get into a duel, because one boy spilled ink all over the other boy by accident. They started swearing and cursing each other, blasting one person's hand off, another person being flung into the air.

"WHY YOU LITTLE SON OF A TWO-FACED JACKAL THAT JUST WALKED INTO A HUGE BRICK WALL THAT HAD BOOGERS WIPED ALL OVER IT!"

"SAME TO YOU, DUNCAN!"

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOU NEED CLEANING!"

"FINE! THEN I'LL SAY THIS! FREAKING IDIOT! HAH!"

Bailey stared at them, horrified. Lily, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to them as she walked into the Transfiguration classroom.

"Don't you just love Hogwarts in the fall?" Lily said, bouncing over to her table with Bailey. She picked up a bouquet of flowers that some secret admirer sent to Bailey and inhaled the wonderful fragrance. "Perfect," she remarked, and put down her things on the table.

Bailey stared at Lily as she snatched the bouquet of flowers from the happy redhead. "Wha--?"

Lily selected some Spellotape and sniffed that also. "Ah…can't beat that smell."

"Spellotape?" Bailey snorted. "What is up with you? What on earth is wrong with you?"

Lily giggled loudly. "Nothing!" She said with a smile, and giggled again.

Bailey rolled her eyes. "You're in love."

"In love?" Lily replied, shocked. "How on earth could you just say that? Of course I'm in love! I'm in love with…Derrick. You know that, Bailey Hobbs. I've always loved him, we're practically living together!"

"No way. When you're in love with Derrick, you start rambling on about typewriters like he does. You're not in love with Derrick…you're acting…different. Who is it?" She demanded.

"Oh, by the way Bailey, I need some more parchment for Potions, d'you think you could sneak out during next Charms and quickly go to Hogsmede and get me some? I think they're on sale at _The Shop Around the Corner_."

"Lily, you're not answering my question…"

Lily ignored her and took out a brush in her purse and started running it through her hair. Bailey looked at her, disgusted.

"Sheesh, you're even primping and gussying before class! You never do that!"

"Maybe I just like brushing my hair," She said, shrugging off the comment off of her shoulder.

"And since when have you started wearing rouge?" She demanded once more. "Just the other day you were complaining about how red your cheeks get all the time! And I know you're not dressing yourself up for Derrick, he doesn't notice a girl's looks."

Lily was trapped, and decided to tell Bailey the truth. After all, Bailey was her best friend since first year, ever since they hid out in the Room of Requirement from Filch and really got to know each other. It was true, Lily used to hate make up…but ever since she really started falling in love with Stag, she couldn't help it, she wanted to look pretty for this guy…even if they had no idea who the other was, but Stag helped her gain more confidence.

"Well," She said, hesitating.

"Well?" Bailey demanded impatiently. "That's not an answer and you know it, Lily Evans. Answer."

Lily made this little "question-answer" thing a game, and didn't answer. Instead, she continued to brush her hair and hummed happily.

"Fine. I'm just going to sit here and stare at you…until you tell me what is going on." And she did. Bailey sat in the chair next to Lily, and stared at her throughout all of the lesson.

Lily knew that Bailey enjoyed doing this, because it always made her uncomfortable. Even though she was used to her doing it for all of her years of Hogwarts, it still made Lily squirm and she ended up talking anyway.

Lily tried to concentrate on her paper, but it was pretty hard, with Bailey's eyes boring into the side of Lily's head. Lily turned and stared back, but it never worked, she'd get so prickly she'd have to turn back and try to pay attention to Professor McGonagall, but it was so impossible, that finally she gave up.

"Gah! Fine!" She said, throwing her hands up into the air. Bailey smirked; again she had won.

Lily took a deep breath. "Okay, is it infidelity to fall in love over owl post?" She asked Bailey.

"Well, have you snogged yet?"

"What? Of course not, we don't even know each other personally—"

"No no no…I mean, have you done paper-snogging yet?"

"No way. We haven't. It's not like that. We just write each other, tell each other pretty much nothing, which I'm thinking about stopping, because it's getting too..."

"Out of hand?" Bailey offered.

"No…maybe…confusing. But not," she said, grinning again, "because it's nothing!"

"How'd you meet him?"

Lily shrugged and waved her hand. "Oh, it's so long ago that I can't even remember."

"Liar."

Lily sighed. "Okay. On my birthday in about my 4th or 5th year, I decided to go into this little 'secret pen pal' thing for a joke, sort of, and so I sent out about 3 letters to 3 different people to see if they'd reply or not. This thing was so safe, that the owls I chose could change colors, because in reality, I didn't really want anyone to know who I was, and vice versa, I didn't want to know who they were. So I sent out 3 purple owls, and who knows what color they changed to next, but I did get three replies back."

Bailey squealed. "OOOOO!"

Professor McGonagall shot them a look, and they quickly transfigured their desk into an elephant. The elephant, unfortunately, was still the same wooden color (and pattern) of the table Bailey and Lily had, so they got points docked off as they transfigured it back.

"Anyway, as you were saying?" Bailey asked, turning back to Lily after the elephant was graded.

"Oh, yeah," said Lily, stooping down to pick up her hand bag and books and quills, which had fallen off of the elephant. "So, out of the 3 people that replied, only one I really liked, only one seemed charming and had clean enough language…I mean, those other people, honestly, Moaning Myrtle's toilet is cleaner than what comes out of those people's mouths! So I broke it off with those two, and replied to this person, which was a very charming bloke. And we still are writing to each other."

Bailey sighed happily. "But what'd you talk about the first time you met?"

"Oh, books, music, bouquets of quills…" she laughed and rolled her eyes.

"But then it's been 2 or 3 years," said Bailey, counting on her fingers, "You must have figured out who it is by now."

"Nope, we don't talk about anything personal, about what house we're in, about what year we're in even, for all I know he could be a dorky little 3rd or 4th year."

Bailey laughed. "He could be anyone!" She gasped, and looked around the classroom. She spotted Frank Longbottom, an old friend of theirs and whispered, "It could be Frank!"

Lily stared at him, considering the possibility, and shook her head. "No way, this man of mine is much more charming, and besides…he's too faithful to his girlfriend Alice."

"Well then, it could be," Bailey looked around and saw Wooster sitting with his friend, Jeeves. "It could be Wooster!" She said dramatically.

Lily shook her head. "As charming and as cute as Wooster is, I think Maddy has eyes for him. And besides, I've talked to Wooster, he's not Stag, they both talk and write totally different."

"Stag?" Bailey's eyes widened. "That's his name? Stag? That's a dumb name…I don't know anyone named Stag…"

"No, you idiot, he has a pet stag, and that stag's name is Prongs. Anyway, it's his pen name, not his real name, or else I figured out who it would be in a jiffy."

"What's your pen name?" Bailey prodded, eager to hear more.

"It's Irish, my lineage."

"Oh." Bailey said, put out. She was expecting something more…exotic. But this would have to do. Both girls sighed dreamily.

"What on earth are you two girls sighing about?" asked Virginia, who already finished with her elephant. "Oh, by the way, Lily, you need some eyeliner. Just let me apply some real quick." She summoned her bag from her desk, which promptly hit some unsuspecting students in the head while it was zooming towards Virginia. "Sorry!" she apologized to the pupils and immediately started working on Lily's eyes, all the while adding comments of "Ooo, nice color of eyeshadow, really brings out the color of your eyes!" or "is that rouge I see? I'm so proud of you, Lily! But don't go too heavy, or else people will think you're sick or something" or "I'm just adding a touch more mascara, all right?" or "I have green glitter that will match _perfectly_ with that eyeshadow!"

Behind her was Chen and Maddy, who were also finished. Chen was the best out of all of them at Transfiguration since she had the same talent for it as her brother, James.

Chen smiled at Bailey and Lily and sat on top of their desk, as Maddy squatted on the floor, who's mouth immediately shot off about the latest gossip.

"So, what's up?" Chen asked with a grin. "You two look secretive. What're you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing," said Bailey, smiling secretly at Lily. "Just owl post, that's all."

"Sounds fascinating," Chen said, rolling her eyes.

"It is," said Lily, returning that special little smile to Bailey.

"Oh brother, you idiots, quit smiling at each other, or else everyone in class is going to think you guys are lesbians!" Maddy shouted, making half of the class turn to stare. "By the way, has anybody seen Lester? I just found out that Jackie punched him in the nose and he might've broken it and--"

"With your help Maddy, they will think we're lesbians," said Lily, turning to playfully glare at Maddy. Maddy smiled innocently back at her and did a rare thing: she actually shut her mouth. Virginia sighed when she finished glossing Lily's lips.

"Oh, joy," she remarked, "We have Charms next…my worst class."

"Don't worry Virginia, I'll help you!" said Lily, who was in the best of moods. "It'll be a repay for you making me gorgeous." All the girls sighed again.

* * *

Across the room, James sat arguing with Sirius, his best mate. Arguing was an old favorite of theirs, after all, there'd be incredibly boring conversations going on if they always agreed on everything. What they are currently arguing about, the world will never know, because it was so stupid that we had to have Peter interrupt. 

"Will you two SHUT UP?" He yelled. James and Sirius stopped abruptly and glowered at him. "Thank you. Now what on earth is up with those girls over there?" He glanced at the table at which 5 girls were sighing.

"Who?" asked Sirius, his head turning at the word "girls." He glanced around. "Girls? Where?"

James looked in the direction Peter was looking at and saw Bailey Hobbs, Jennifer Potter, Virginia Wisconsin, Madeline Basset, and Lily Evans all sighing in unison. James liked Bailey a lot… as a friend. Bailey was pretty cool to talk to, and seemed really happy all the time, and they were friends, seeing as she was Sirius' girlfriend and she was a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Jennifer, known to everyone as "Chen", well, seeing as she was his sister, he didn't really have much to say about her, only that she enjoyed getting into mischief as much as he did. She was pretty much his best friend. James loved Chen, and she had some pretty good ideas. You had to hand it to Chen that she was pretty creative with pranks and all.

Then there was Virginia Wisconsin. To tell anyone the truth, James didn't really even know her, but she seemed nice (and quite pretty), but she was friends with Madeline Basset (who was also very good looking), who everyone called "The Hound." Madeline was very gossipy and sniffed around for gossip and slightly ditzy, but she amused James, so he didn't mind her, or Virginia.

But Lily Evans. Being her arch-nemesis since...well, he wasn't quite sure how long, probably 4th year, but he didn't even want to think about her, so instead he thought about his pen-pal instead, Irish. That girl seemed incredible. Not perfect, but incredible. Incredible was good enough for him, and he didn't want anyone perfect.

He drifted off, thinking about her letter that she sent to him this morning. "I hear nothing, not in the corridors of Hogwarts, just my own heartbeat," or something like that. He couldn't really remember what she said, but enjoyed thinking about her.

"So, are you engaged yet James?" James snapped up at the sound of his name.

"What, to Irish? No way!" He said, thinking about Irish again. "I don't even know her real name!"

"Huh?" Sirius, Remus and Peter all said. "Who's Irish? Some person you know?"

"What? Oops," said James, and flushed. "Nothing."

"Well, who on earth do we know is Irish?"

James turned even redder. "Nobody."

Remus and Sirius turned back to their Transfiguration, while Peter raised his eyebrows, suspicious on what was going on.

He leaned over to James and prodded him with his wand. James' robes turned bright purple, then neon green, then hot pink. "So, Prongs," said Peter, "Who's this Irish person?"

"Nobody," James said stubbornly. "Noone."

"Yeah, my big, fat, hairy butt."

"Actually, it does get pretty hairy...once a month..." James said with a smirk.

Peter threatingly prodded James' robes again, and they turned into a dress.

"Hey! Hey! These are brand-new robes! Stop!" He took out his wand to change the dress back into his robes, but Peter held up his wand again.

"Spill, first, then perhaps I'll change it back," he threatened, although he was grinning.

"What? No way!" James protested. "Blackmail," he muttered.

"Just tell me, sheesh! Are you cheating on Nenny?"

James burst out laughing. "Hah! No way."

Peter pouted. "You're not telling me what's going on, Prongs...ah, well...I'll figure it out myself.".

* * *

A/N: Well? How was it? If you liked it, review. P  



	3. Pride and Prejudice

Disclaimer:BELCH: aahhhh...that felt good. Oh, sorry! I forgot to tell you that I don't own this.

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

K, this chappie might be a trite confusing. I took some plot from the Little Rascals, and I _tried_ to do as well as I could to give some background info-may-shee-own on how they hate each other, but I probably didn't get it good enough. Anyways, if I get enough people telling me that this chapter sucked, then I'll change it and notify you all cuz I love you, remember? lol. So SORRY it took forever, and SORRY if it really sucks mold, and SORRY this is so hard because my parents are totally screeching at me to get my butt off the puter...anyways...on to the story...

* * *

"UGH! Potter! I hate you! You know that, right?" A frustrated scream was heard outside of the common room. 

"No, I never knew that, Evans, that's such a shocker!" Shot back an equally frustrated voice, with some sarcasm in it.

"Oh, you just think you're _so_ clever, and _so_ witty, Potter, but you know what? You're not!"

"Ooo, look at ickle Evans, Head Girl of the school, so _smart _unlike old, foolish Potter!"

"Just shut up, Potter! Shut UP!"

"Make me."

"All right, then I will! _Silencio!_ There, you're all nice and quiet now, huh? What? What was that? _Don't you dare flip me off! _POTTER! YOU ARE SO—WHA?WHAT TH--? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MY HAIR!"

Lily came bursting into the Gryffindor Common room. She shot back another hex back at James, which turned his hair into tar, which immediately started going all over his face. The angry girl dashed up the stairs into the dormitory in which all of her friends were in and screamed again, with more irritation this time.

"Let me guess," said Bailey, not looking up from her book that she was reading, "Potter again?"

"Yes it was Potter, who else? But could somebody care to put out my hair? I'm getting rather hot now," said Lily, gritting her teeth.

Chen looked up from her bed and gasped as she looked at Lily. Lily's hair was officially fire, no longer the soft, amber hair that was so enviously straight. "How…?"

"JUST POUR WATER ON IT!" Lily screamed. Chen seized her wand which was lying on the floor and immediately doused Lily's fire, which went back to her regular hair.

"Thanks, Chen," Lily gasped, relieved of the intensifying heat. She performed a drying spell on her hair, which was drenched.

"You know, Lily, I really _do _wish that you'd at least try to get along with James…after all, he is my brother."

"Don't believe I don't try," said Lily through gritted teeth. She finished drying off of her hair and waved her wand as it flew into a messy ponytail.

"You do try…just not hard enough," teased Chen. Lily glowered at her and started to change her clothes. Just then, Virginia and Maddy walked in, talking madly.

Virginia spotted Lily and immediately squealed, "Oh, Lily! Guess what! Maddy and I were just out at Hogsmede shopping and this _really _cute bloke just walked up to her and asked her out, so could she borrow that really adorable necklace that you have in your underwear drawer? Oh, and Maddy has some more info-may-shee-own on the life of Hogwarts." She said this all in one breath, saying 'information' her special way.

Maddy decided it was the perfect time to launch back into gossip-mode, seeing as she could tell that Lily was about to rocket off about Potter and such and so.

"So anyway, I was just talking to Breann and she thinks that Brad is _so _not cute and is devastated when I told her that he had like, the biggest crush on her, and so she was, like, freaking out and I was laughing, and like, she was all 'but what about Sirius Black? Is he, like, free yet?' and then I like, laughed harder 'cause Sirius is like so totally devoted to Bailey—"

"So Potter thinks it's funny that I'm still going out with Derrick," Lily shot off as she was taking off her robes, "I mean, what's so bad about Derrick? Just because Derrick's a guy who has certain opinions about things does not make him stupid or anything, 'cause he's not—"

"and then that little snot was all like 'oh, that little brat he's dating? Ugh, she's such a man-stealer.' Well, actually, she said some different words, but you all know about how I feel about swearing—"

Virginia started taking out some clothes out of her and Maddy's shopping bags and took one look at Lily and exclaimed, "Oh, Lily, don't put those old jeans on, here, wear these, they're designer jeans by Flora Cruz (who's from Costa Rica and it's so hard to get clothes from her, because she's going to quit designing jeans soon and start on shoes) and I just _barely _managed to get 'em on sale, they were the last pair I could get, and oh! I just got the cutest light camel shirt by Brady Parker today, here, wear it, it's slightly dipped in the front but it'll suit you coz you look good in those."

She waved her wand and Lily's clothes immediately shot off her and was replaced with the others that Virginia just bought. Lily didn't seem to notice, as she was still complaining about James.

"So then he has the _nerve _to tell me that my robes look all prissy and such, I mean, prissy! Come on! Do I look prissy to you?"

Bailey, the only one truly listening (although even she couldn't help but lend an ear to Maddy's gossip), shook her head attentively.

Maddy continued, "So I shot some stuff back at her, and I quote: 'Well, Bailey is one of my best friends, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use cleaner language if I were you, 'cause some blokes actually don't like girls who swear,' and she just totally shut up then and there and I was still smirking so I walked off to Luann and she was complaining about Gunther who we all know just loves her to pieces—"

"Oh, also, I got these great Lorelai Mark black boots that you could wear, too, Lily!" cried Virginia. She fitted Lily's tiny feet with the boots and Lily stormed on about James, growing 3 more inches in the process, which made her quite taller.

"I still can't believe that he won't apologize about being the biggest jerk to me in fourth year, I didn't read _that _much, he just has a rhino that just so happened to be shoved up his arse and died, and he thinks that it's funny to take all of the cakes that _I _made for myself, and then he has to puke them all up all over my nice robes (but that's only 'cause I hexed him for stealing my cakes), and he thinks he's so cool, and so _funny_, and so _talented_, and blah, blah, blah, he just goes on and on about only himself—"

* * *

"And so she is just being her annoying smart self with all those really good cakes, thinking that she's the best cook (although I can't deny that) and is so selfish 'cause she won't let me have any—" ranted James, back in the boys dorm. 

Sirius lay back on his pillow, only half-listening. He was wondering slightly when he could see Bailey again. Remus, in the meantime, had started knitting a blanket and was already on his 10th row.

"Well, James, Lily happens to be –ouch, one of my best friends, and I'd sort of appreciate it if you were a tad bit kinder to her, after all, you certainly both were pretty big jerks to each other in 4th year," said Remus, pricking himself by accident with the needle.

"Hey! She can't take a joke! That's her problem!" defended James, shooting his hands up into the air in frustration.

"Say, didn't you have a crush on her or something in 4th year?" asked Sirius, sitting up on his bed.

"Yeah, that's why I teased her, but she took it so literally, that she had to get all offended and started really insulting me and my glasses…" James said bitterly.

Remus laughed. "I remember that, she called you a real big nerd with them, and—oh, this is ridiculous," he said, and put down the needles. Waving his wand at them, they started knitting themselves into a beautiful purple blanket and he got some bandages for himself.

"Purple, Remus?" Sirius eyed the blanket. "Honestly, people will start to think that you're gay."

"Oh, and it gets worse," added James, "Evans hexed me to puke up all those delicious cakes!"

"But I'm not gay!" Remus protested, tapping on a band aid to himself with his wand. Immediately the cut healed, and he took off the band aid and threw it in the trash. "Besides, it's not for me, it's for all those children in Saint Mungos."

"Hah! I did get my revenge, though, I vomited all over her new robes," James said triumphantly.

"And, who do we know in Saint Mungos is homo?"

"She was screaming so loud, it was hilarious. I would've laughed harder if I didn't have that disgusting acid taste still in my mouth," he remarked, still tasting the throw up.

"Nobody, it's going to be for a girl, sheesh, can't you see that pink yarn that's going to go into the blanket? I'm going to bewitch it so the cat will catch a mouse or a rat or something," he said, getting out some pink yarn and winding it onto the needles. "This girl is going to love this blanket," he said fondly.

"But then she decides that punching my nose would solve everything! Ugh, I hate that stupid girl! She is such a snotty wench!"

"Since when have you been knitting blankets for people? And why purple blankets?" Asked Sirius, curious (hey, that rhymed!).

"Oh my gosh, she is so annoying, so then I get back at her by hexing her robes (which were already in such a crappy state already, vomit and all) so they start getting ripped up by this knife that just appeared and then she decides to turn it into rubber—"

"No reason," said Remus absentmindedly. He finished mending all of his cuts. "Chen just taught me a couple of nifty tricks and said that when I'm depressed, I can do nice things for other people, you know, just nice stuff."

"Man, it seems like whenever I'm around that brat I go insane, I swear! She is the biggest brat, the most annoying person I have ever met, she can't take a bloody joke, she thinks that life is only complete when you put first things first, blah, blah, blah—"

"Haven't you and Chen always had some sort of soft spot for each other?" brought up Sirius, slightly grinning.

"I hate her! She is my worst enemy! She thinks that she's always right, which she is not—"

"Well, sort of," said Remus, his cheeks slightly pink like the cat that was now being knitted into the blanket, "but we decided only to be friends, maybe friends with benefits. Besides, I'm thinking of asking out Maddy, she's kinda cute."

"And she thinks it's so hilarious when she hexes me, but she's a real little monster, I'll tell you that—"

"Maddy," thought Sirius, scratching his head, "isn't she that super gossipy girl who doesn't shut up?"

"I just hate how she has that evil glint in her eye, and you _know_ that she's going to hex you or something super insane, and she's just so rude and really stabs me in the back, although I couldn't say that I don't stab her in the back either, but still!"

"Yeah, but she really helps me get in touch with the outside world, and that blonde hair is pretty gorgeous, don't you think?"

"I'd like to say that Lily Evans is pretty, but she has to be so rude and bratty about everything because she's super sensitive and needs to get a life besides bugging me—"

"Yeah, I'd like to say that, but my little Bailey is all I need. But you do have a point. Big blue eyes, blonde hair...kind of interesting that I went for somebody totally opposite, right? Incredibly gorgeous grey eyes outlined in inky black and this awesome brown hair with blonde streaks..."

"Lily Evans! Ugh! Brat! Snot! Jerk! Wretch! Ogre! Stupid, blind little bat! I hate her! I want to hex those green eyes out of that witch!"

"She _is_ a witch, James," put in Remus. He pricked himself again with the knitting needle. "Ouch," he complained, "my fingers hurt."

"Oh, your fingers hurt, huh?" grinned Sirius.

* * *

"Well now your back's going to hurt 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty!" said Bailey, laughing at Chen who had just poked herself in the finger again with her knitting needle. 

"Okay, I swear you just sounded like Sirius there," replied Chen. She sucked on her finger.

"Then James goes and practically kills me with the Jelly Legs curse, and so I have to hit him with the first hex that comes into my mind, which is the tickling curse! It was hilarious, watching him laugh in agony, so I took advantage and sent him a snake while I was at it, but he made that disappear when he had enough breath to actually talk—"

"So then, Luann was all sad about how Aaron Hill would never, ever like her and only date that Tiffany brat—"

"And then he goes and hits me with this weird curse that made my wand all hot and so I had to drop it and that totally pissed me off, and then Dumbledore just decides to waltz in as soon as I'm grabbing Potter's throat, and he's all—"

"Tiffany Farrel?" broke in Virginia. "I like her, she has the cutest Cumorah Jackets and Mensa flats…good taste, that girl. I also love those Kailey Russo boat-necked shirts she wears. They're really form-fitting for curvy girls like her. She's just lucky to not have her stomach stick out. Mine only stays in because I do at least 100 sit-ups a day. Here, Maddy, come here; let me help you with your hair and makeup for that date with that fancy bloke. Oh, and by the way, Remus Lupin was telling me about how he thought that you were really cute and wanted to ask you out…would you say yes?" She summoned a big silver bowl and poured some warm water into it. When it was full, Maddy put her head in it, still talking.

"Yeah, I'd say yes, as long as he asked me himself. Anyways, let's get back to Tiffany. Well, yeah, she's got good taste, but she's kind of snobbish. But Aaron kind of likes her because she totally hangs on him and even though she's going out with that one exchange bloke, Miguel was it? Well, she's cheating on him with Aaron so I don't think it'd be very wise of Luann to go out with a guy that was helping Tiffany cheat on her boyfriend, and I think that if Miguel and Tiffany are going to break up, then Luann should definitely go out with Miguel coz that boy is super sexy, and he just is the sweetest boy ever and—"

"So Dumbledore comes in and is all, 'Ms. Evans, I think Mr. Potter would appreciate it if you let him go,' so of course I have to let go of Potter or else I'd be shot in the head or something, and meanwhile Potter's smirking at me, oooo, I just wanted to sock him a good one, or worse just totally kick him _hard_, and I don't care where, as long as it hurts him bad—"

"I just love Miguel, he is so bleedin' hilarious, and he makes me laugh all the time when we're not getting updated on the latest news, and oh — ouch! That hurts!"

"Sorry, Maddy," Virginia apologized, as she had just accidentally pulled one of Maddy's curls too hard. Currently she was combing out the mass of blonde curls. "There, I'm done. Put your head in the bowl," she instructed, and squirted a blob of Ensign shampoo on the golden hair. Gently she lathered it in, making soap bubbles go up to the dorm ceiling.

"And then when Dumbledore leaves, Potter decides it's the new 'in' thing to wear leaf brooches on your butt, which is the stupidest idea I have _ever _heard in my life, gosh that bloke needs to get some fashion sense—"

"Actually," interrupted Virginia, now squirting on more shampoo onto Maddy's locks, "That's not such a bad idea! We could also bewitch them to sort of reflect our personality, and when we sit down they just sort of 'fly' up to our shirts instead so we could show them off! Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?" She was starting to get excited. "After Maddy finishes getting ready, we'll go to Hogsmede and go buy some of those really cute sliver-green leaf things; I know the perfect store! Or even better," she announced dramatically, "They could be _mood_ brooches! YEEAAHH!" she laughed, excited. "They could reflect the mood you're in! Score!"

"That is so lame," said Lily, shaking her head. Casting her glance around the dorm, she waited for Bailey to agree, or Chen or Maddy. But she knew that Maddy, who loved starting trends almost as much as Virginia would agree. And she noticed that Bailey and Chen were nodding. She rolled her eyes.

"Honestly. Next thing you're going to tell me that you think that James Potter is a handsome bloke that you plan on asking out as soon as he dumps that stupid annoying Nenny!"

"Well…"

"Virginia, have you no shame?" Lily exclaimed. She was quite shocked. "I can't believe you; I thought you were my friend! How could you betray me like this?"

* * *

"Just because I'm best friends with Lily does not mean I'm in love with her, James, have you not been listening to Padfoot's and mine conversation?" replied Remus defensively. 

"No, you should be listening to me!" James jabbed himself in the chest.

"Tough beans, pal," said Sirius, "Those raves about Lily get boring. Talk about Bailey and I'm happy. Talk about Quidditch, bugging Snape, anything other than how much you hate Lily, and I'll be glad to listen. Honestly, mate, I'd rather have you talk about when you liked Lily in 4th year!"

"I'd rather not remember that."

"You know," Sirius said dreamily, "I think that Bailey is…_the_ best thing that _ever_ happened to me. I swear she's almost my soul mate."

"You're such a cornball, Sirius," said James, shaking his head. "Please don't ever talk about Bailey again."

"So what if I am a cornball?" defended Bailey. "I don't care, Sirius is my sweetheart and I love him…"

"You sound like such a child," said Lily.

"Wait till you're in love, Lily, you just wait!"

"But I am in love!" protested James. "I love Nenny!"

"You don't love Derrick, you love that 'stag' fellow you write all the time!" accused Bailey.

"Fine, so I don't love Nenny! So what?"

"Wait, who is this pen pal?" asked Chen abruptly. "You said he was a…a stag?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure that she's Irish, I mean, that's her pen name and all," said James thoughtfully.

"No, no, no, a stag's not writing _me_, it's his pet. I think it's awesome to have a deer for a pet…the stag's name is Prongs or something."

"I swear I know somebody that's Irish…" Remus muttered under his breath.

"I love Sirius!"

"And then I was talking to Jenessa and she was telling me about how apparently Josh really fancies her and all, and she was starting to fancy him a little, and I was so totally agreeing on how they would make the perfect couple, wouldn't you agree? Coz Josh has that gorgeous messy brown hair and those huge green eyes and Jenessa's got that strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes, and oh man she has this great singing voice, you should hear her in the shower, Merlin, it's like—"

"Bailey is so pretty…"

"What? So this guy's a stag?"

"She's Irish? Wait! It's coming to me now…I think."

"No, no, no, he's got a _pet_ stag, called Prongs, and the stag sounds adorable—"

"I love Sirius!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's Irish, but who cares! All I care is that she sounds gorgeous and I'm definitely in love—"

"Irish chicks are _so _hot!" remarked Peter dreamily, who had not been paying attention (or even showing his presence) up until now.

"I love Bailey!"

"You're in love with a stag?"

"And then I was talking to Jeeves and he was telling me about how Bertie, you know, Bertie Wooster? Well, he was telling me about how Bertie totally fancied me, and I was just so happy the rest of Charms that I actually got the charm right for once, instead of actually choking like I usually do, but of course, when I do suck at those charms, cute little Bertie comes along and helps me, honestly, he has those gorgeous blue eyes that just pop at you like _that_—"

"Oh, Maddy, you have the most gorgeous hair, look how well it's curling! This Sleakeazy potion really does have it's charms with curls, see look on that back, it says, 'Works exceptionally well for those with naturally curly hair, perfect ringlets that stay for hours on end—oh, and look—no supernatural side-effects, only bad side effects are that they might turn your eyes blue, but that's all right, coz your eyes already are blue, and oh! They're getting even bluer! Wow! That is so gorgeous, Maddy! With my help, you could be one of the most irresistible women in the school, besides myself—"

"Since when are we talking about Irish folk? Is there a leprechaun in the room?" asked Sirius.

"I love Sirius!"

"Okay, so let me get this straight: you're writing to a guy that has a pet stag?"

"Who cares if there's a leprechaun in the room? Irish women can be so gorgeous, I swear…" Peter said yet again, off in his own little world.

"Yeah, I was wondering, but what annoys me is that you changed the subject so you wouldn't have to hear about Evans! Jerks!"

"Yes, now you have it! Chen finally understands that I'm writing to a guy that has a pet stag! Sheesh!"

"I love Bailey!"

"Well, it gets really boring James, we can't help it when we change the subject," said Remus, now finishing up his blanket.

"But Evans is so annoying! I hate her freaking guts! She can't even take a joke!"

"But back to Potter! He's such an arrogant berk who doesn't know what the word 'feel' means, he only cares about himself, he's just thinking he's so funny—"

"Evans is just such a prissy little bookworm who doesn't even know what it's like to be a guy—"

"Just once I'd like him to stand in my shoes, for a month! Just to see what it's like to be a girl, just once so he can understand—"

"She doesn't even understand guys, yet—"

"Yet he should understand girls, since he has a girlfriend who is—"

"Who is the most obnoxious being alive, man that idiot bugs me—"

"Oh, and know what the worst thing about Potter is?"

"Oh, and know what the worst thing about Evans is?"

"THAT PERSON SMELLS WEIRD!" Screamed Lily and James at the same time.

* * *

A/N: Okay...so just review and tell how you like it! So after school today I managed to find some time to reply to all those beautiful reviewers, i love you all so very much...:) 

**Slytherin-girl TF lover-**yes, any time i need your help, i'll call on you! And many, many others who are a GREAT help cuz I really need to get some facts straight. Take note to some of those people that I said SOME, not EVERY LAST BIT! gahl. lol.

**SweetSouthernGal**-oops, I almost put SweetSouthernGahl...I have the worst habit of saying gahl. It just literally popped out! Anyhoo, thanks!

**Ocean-Poweress**-for some reason, I love your pen name. It rocks! And thank you!

**OrdinaryLily**-It's a book? REALLY? I never knew that! Of course, I'm not exactly the brightest person around, not exactly up-to-date...ah, well. I'll have to read it. I'm so happy that you like it! Really! Eeee! I'm excited! My favorite fanfics are Lily and James, so I decided to put them in this and I know that Lily hated him, but I stretched the truth (how can you stretch the truth of fiction?) and had James hate Lily too. But you might have noticed that he secretly had a crush on her in 4th and 5th year. But that all changed...have you heard of the movie that You've Got Mail also came from? It's called "The Shop Around the Corner"...with Jimmy Stuart and some other girl. I've never seen it but it's like that, only no business competition. I think I'll have to watch it someday to give me good book ideas. Anyhoo, I'm blabbing (as usual), so see ya!

**ultra-violet-catastrophe**-THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANK YOU! Apparently, you're my biggest fan, but I LOVE you for it! I'm so happy about what you said! A FEW words? More like a billion wonderful adjectives that made me fly around the room with happiness...anyways, on other things you said...well, actually, I know really nothing about the Irish folk. I only have heard rumours, but I have never, EVER thought that they were terrorists. Actually, for some reason, I imagined all Irish people to be blonde...dunno why. But that is so cool, I'm (figuratively) talking to an Irish person! I have never met anybody that's Irish in my life. But, I know how you feel on how people just jump to conclusions about people they have never met, like what they think about Irish people. I swear, all these people think that Americans (what I am) are fat, rich, snobby, think we're better than everyone else, nosy, and do not belong in Iraq. Actually, I'm not fat at all (hah.), definitely not rich, I'm hoping I'm not snobby, and I have never, EVER thought that I was better than everyone else, but I do kind of sound a little cocky...maybe just defensive...I'm nosy, I admit, but not in a BAD way, but there are many people in my neighborhood that have went to and from Iraq...they come back saying that the Iraq people are glad that they're there. So, believe what you want, I'm not stopping you, just giving my point of view. If you ask me, some people are just a little prejiduced. But really, I don't really know whether Lily is Irish or not myself, but I made that up, because Irish people fascinate me, maybe it's just the accents and all, maybe something else. Anyways, I'm blabbing, and I hope that I did not offend you in any way at all, and if I did, truely, I am sorry. Anyways, I love you for loving my story! Now I will go and review yours!

**emeraldhazel**-thank yew for liking it...it made me smile...

**snipsnap**-at long last, I have found some other fan of Jeeves and Wooster! I have almost all the "episodes"...I love 'em! Well, I guess it was done, after all! Hah! lol.

**Anotheranonymous**-thanks for the compliment, but I agree, my story's not exactly different from all those Lily and James stories. In the world of books, it's practically impossible to be original and creative, unless you want to go all-out insane on it. Example: once upon a time for English, I had to write this twist on a fairy tale. So I was totally hyper one day and wrote this twist on Cinderella, and my teacher thought that I was on drugs. Really.

**Eimme**-yup, Lily hates James just as equally as he hates her, like I said in the first chappie...mutual hate. I reviewed your stories now, sorry, before I forgot! But I love em.

**Runaway6**-lol about the name thing...sorry, I get sometimes carried away...I couldn't help it, neither think of a good last name for Virginia anyways.

**evil-pillow**-I think somebody's shown me that happy dance before! Do it again! lol...

**Jupiter**-YES, YES, YES, YES, YES! You reviewed again! I love you for it! gahl! lol! Thanks SO MUCH for liking it! I love you!

**Sirael**- cool screen name, reminds me of Sabriel, the book! Thank you!

**MJShunpike**-you should say your name out very slowly, like this: Eeemmmmm-Jaaaaayy-Shun-pike. It sounds awesome! Anyways, hope you liked this chappie!

**Sirius**-keep your pants on, I'll put some stuff about Bailey and Sirius! I'll put it in other chapters when others really need to know about my other characters that are important to me.

**Pretty Padfoot**-why thank you!(blushes) I'm glad you like it!

**Plans:**

**okay, for the upcoming chapters, I was planning on some things, like this: Lily and James (or Stag and Irish, more like, Lily and James hate each other) plan on meeting, like so in the movie, and James figures out who Irish really is. Also, I'm going to do some chapters in the future about some of the characters that we really don't know about, and I'm hoping I'll be able to get some history in on why Lily and James hate each other so much. I think that when you hate somebody just enough, you get this paradigm of them that everything they do and say, you just hate them so much, and it can get growing. So, it'll obviously be some stupid reason that they hate each other.**

**smell ya later,  
Jade**


	4. A day out to Hogsmeade

Disclaimer: You dare accuse me that I own Harry Potter? I plead the fifth!

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

* * *

It was an early Saturday morning, and the Gryffindor common room was empty. Empty except for one redheaded girl, that is. She was writing a letter to someone apparently. Well, more of a novel, really. Lily Evans was excitedly writing to her pen pal, updating him on very exciting things that happened that week. She was writing so fast that she was splattering ink all over herself. 

"Speaking words of wisdom, let it be," Lily sang softly to herself, as she dipped her quill once again in the ink. "Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be," she whispered, and finished off the letter with a triumphant flourish.

She grinned and sealed it, and called out, "Joey!" Lily looked around the common room as she tied the letter to the owl's leg.

She spotted some perfume on the table next to her, and smiled as she grabbed it and happily sprayed it all over the unfortunate lavender owl. She took out her quill and added a quick note to the outside of the scroll. Joey ruffled his wings, and took off as fast as possible before Lily could spray even more.

Just then, the common room door opened. Lily quickly tossed the perfume bottle (although now quite close to empty) back onto the table just in case the incomer was the owner of that bottle. She leapt back onto her chair and feigned sleep as best as she could, hoping to fool whoever it was that she was doing nothing.

"Nice try, Lils," said Virginia's voice. Lily could hear her set her bag onto the chair across from Lily's. "But you snore when you're asleep."

Lily instantly let out a huge fake snore.

"Hmmm, Lily must be asleep!" teased Virginia. "Nice try, Lily! Come on, you're coming with me to Hogsmeade today." She shook Lily who snapped her startlingly green eyes open. "By the way, Lily, you have ink all over your face. _Scourgify!_" Lily felt vigorous scrubbing on her face.

"BLEAH! AAAH!" Lily yelled, rubbing her face. "Why should I come to Hogsmeade? I'll only be dragged around with you while you obsess over clothes—"

"A talent that I'm very proud of," snapped Virginia matter-of-factly, pulling on Lily's arm, "Come on, _Ask Dad_'s has a sale today and I absolutely can _not_ miss it, and Maddy's going out with some bloke today, anyway, I think it's Lupin, he finally asked her out and they never would go shopping with us in a million years, please?" she begged, with her big Bambi brown eyes.

"Tough, go ask Chen or something, she's nice enough." Lily tugged her arm out of Virginia's grip.

"She's spending the day with your favorite person, her brother, James," said Virginia. She got out her brand-new Kaleesha Williams denim handbag and emptied the contents onto the table. There was about 10 bottles of perfume, a complete hair-care kit (that could be shrunken enough to fit inside even the smallest of pockets), a manicure set, 15 fashion catalogues, _Witch Weekly_, _Sabrina: the teenage Witch _(a biography since Virginia loved non-fiction) 7 extra pairs of shoes, boots, socks, some feminine necessities, a pedicure set, a massager (that could take out even the hardest of knots), 15 extra designer robes, a toothbrush, lipstick (10 tubes), lip gloss (24 tubes), eye shadow (about 17 cases), foundation (used only when truly desperate), diluted bobotuber pus (8 packs, good for those with bad acne, but Virginia was lucky she had pretty good skin that she knew how to take care of), blush (only 2 cases, sadly, since she was running out), mascara (12 tubes), and her secret weapon: her own wand when life was hopeless.

"Then take Bailey!" Lily did not feel like going anywhere today, as she had the worst cramps all night before.

"I can't take her, you _know _she's going out with Sirius today, and which lip gloss should I wear today? Clear? Excellent choice, self!" she complimented herself and chose about 6 tubes of clear lip gloss. "Now what flavor?" Virginia asked Lily. "Which one do you advise?"

Lily groaned. She had no choice. "It's not like you're planning on snogging the first bloke you see, is it? Just choose…strawberry, or something," she said with a wave of her hand.

"But I had strawberry _last _time I went shopping!" protested Virginia. "And that was 3 days ago. But then again, it wasn't clear, it was the color of strawberries and the flavor too, with some hint of spiciness, and also sparkles in it…" she pondered out loud thoughtfully.

"THEN BLOODY CHOOSE BLEEDIN' WATERMELON OR BLOODY HONEYDEW FOR ALL I BLOODY CARE!" Lily shouted. "Let's just get this bloody thing over with!"

"Blimey, what's with you?" Virginia asked, shocked. "Language, language…sounds like _somebody_'s having the painters' in." she chose birthday cake flavored and dashed up to the dorm. Thirty minutes later she came back out with a huge pile of clothes. "Okay," she said breathlessly, dumping the clothes all over Lily, which woke her up. "I've chosen a few clothes that both you and I can wear out shopping. And I chose some knickers for you too, Lily, as you're still in your jimjams, and it's really unhealthy to not change your knickers daily, so I got you these really cute blue ones from Veronica's Whisper!"

"Veronica's Whisper!" snorted Lily. "That is the stupidest name I have ever heard for a store that sells underpants…that's so…dumb. Anyway, Virginia, seeing as it's 8:30 in the morning, it's typical for me to still be wearing my jimjams." But she took the blue panties from Virginia anyway and held them in her hand.

"Also, I chose these great outfits that you can wear, it was so hard finding the perfect outfit for you, but I narrowed it down to five—"

"That one," said Lily carelessly, pointing at the first outfit she saw. All the girls in Lily's dorm decided to share all of the clothes they had (although most of them really belonged to Virginia and Maddy), so Virginia would stop stealing all of their clothes without asking.

"Excellent choice Lily, if I do say so myself," complimented Virginia. She handed Lily the outfit which had a long red hooded Janelle Stevens sweater jacket, a quarter-length sleeve Becca Shan white shirt, dark blue Futura designer flares, a Hinkley brown belt, and chunky Charles Smithens brown boots.

"Uh…thanks?" Lily looked uncertainly at Virginia. But she took the (designer) clothes and started to get up slowly.

"Just change down here, nobody's here but you and me," Virginia said nonchalantly. She was trying to figure out which outfit to wear out shopping in Hogsmeade.

"Actually, I wasn't going to change," said Lily, "I was going back to bed, because at this rate you're choosing clothes, we'll probably leave shortly after 1 o'clock." She began to go up the stairs.

"Wait!" Virginia cried. "No! I won't take too long…this time. Just…come back and change real quick while I decide, here, you can do your hair also while you wait." She gestured to the table where the complete hair kit was.

Lily rolled her eyes. She went back to the table and armchairs and started changing out of her blue satin Paymon pajamas into the clothes that Virgina lent her.

"Wait! Don't forget underwear!" Virginia tossed the blue underpants to Lily. They landed on the table, and Lily picked them up. It was a midnight-blue thong with stars that changed color.

"Gross. Virginia, I can't wear this." Lily tossed the blue thong back to Virginia.

"What? Why not? It's a Jupiter! Just barely come out! Besides, I just bought it. No crudarola on that buttfloss." She said absent-mindedly, still concentrating on the clothes. They were all sprawled out on the carpet (the chairs and couches and cushions were stacked neatly by the fireplace, as there wasn't enough room for the both of them). There were about 20 outfits in all, complete with accessories of shoes, purses, belts, necklaces, etc. She waved her wand and some jeans and skirts flew up and arranged themselves with different shirts and such.

"It's a thong. I hate thongs. They ride up your bum." She started to take off her pants, but was hit in the face with the blue thong again.

"You just have to get used to them, is all," defended Virginia, as shirts and socks were flying in the air. "And it's not just a thong, it's a _Jupiter _thong. Honestly. Those things are so much more comfortable than Mars thongs."

"But people can tell you're wearing them, it's almost like not wearing a bra!" Lily shuddered.

"Oh, come on, Lily, it won't kill you, and besides, it'll show off that cute bum you have."

"Virginia!" Lily threw the underwear back at the concentrated girl.

"Lily, don't be stupid. It'll be fine, besides, who are you trying to impress? If you're trying to impress me, wear the thong." Virginia stated, pitching the underpants back to Lily.

"Nobody, I'm just not wearing them! They make me feel gross and like I have a wedgie all the time!" She flung the thong at Virginia.

"Then I'll gladly pick your wedgie out for you. So wear them. And this Justin Hammer dark red shirt has got to be washed. Or go upstairs into the dorm and face the wrath of Maddy, who is very grouchy, seeing as I accidentally woke her up, she spent most of the night awake (thanks to me and my wonderful artistic talent), and she's having really bad cramps. Or," she said, hurling the thong back to Lily, "You could wear this thong. And don't worry," the reddish-brown-haired girl assured Lily, "It's never been worn…I just bought a new pair the last time I went shopping. But maybe this Tyana skirt's just too short for Hogsmeade…"

Lily groaned. "No way. I'll wear the underwear I slept in."

Virginia tutted. "Tsk, tsk, Lily, so unhealthy…but for heaven's sake, why not? Now I could wear this one because it's fall, but…"

"Because they're the devil's panties!" She chucked the thong back at Virginia.

Virginia laughed. "No, no, no, you have it all wrong, Lily," she said, smirking. She waved her wand and several outfits when flying into a nice and neat pile of that was labeled DENIED. "Red thongs are the devil's panties. Or maybe red t-strings, to be precise. Or maybe even black and red thongs," she added thoughtfully.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Or maybe even black and red striped thongs, or with little devil horns and tails on them, too!" she added sarcastically.

"You know, that's not such a bad idea," said Virginia. "I should really design those and send them in." More clothes were flying in the air, and slightly out of control. A shoe hit Lily in the head.

"Ouch," said Lily, rubbing her forehead. "I was being sarcastic, genius. And I'm not wearing those things, and that's final."

"Oh, do I really have to?" exasperated, Virginia took back the thong. But, chuckling evilly to herself, she pointed the wand at Lily while her back was turned and muttered a spell underneath her breath. All of the sudden, the thong disappeared.

Lily stood up straight. Something felt…different. She felt slightly strange, like her back side had too much air. She shrugged and pulled off her pajama pants. Now it felt really weird. Was she even wearing underwear last night? She shrugged and bent over to pick up the jeans. Then she felt it. Oh, no. Not this.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!" Lily swore. "Virginia Lee Wisconsin!" She screamed as she pulled on the jeans. "I'm going to _get_ you for this, if it's the last thing I do!" She tackled the giggling girl. "That is so not funny, you little snot…you freak! Why on earth do you have to _hex_ me to wear a thong? That is so gross, ugh…you even jinxed it so I can't even take it off…you're such a freak."

Virginia cackled wickedly, and went back to her many piles of clothes, which was now narrowed down to 5 outfits, with no more mixing and matching.

Lily sighed, and yanked on the white shirt. She pulled on the sweater jacket, and put on the belt and boots. Lily grabbed a brush from the hair kit and ran it through her hair several times. She put on some Mattie mascara and Gorgeous Green eye shadow to match her bottle green eyes, and a little lip gloss too, and then collapsed on the couch.

Two hours later, Virginia shook Lily awake. "Okay, Lily, I chose my outfit and I'm all ready to go!"

Lily sat up groggily and looked around. The chairs in the common room were back to where they were in the first place, and all of the contents of Virginia's purse were back inside her purse where they belonged. Virginia was wearing a Jackie Norris brown tank top with a Jordan Mort green jacket over it that had white stripes down the sides, Lehi blue jeans, Mityl sneakers, and had her purse (that was normal-sized on the outside but quite roomy on the inside) with her. Her brown hair was straightened and short. It was actually quite cute and had more layers.

"Virginia? Did you cut your hair?" Lily asked unbelievingly.

"Nope, I just sucked it all back into my head," Virginia said casually, pulling out a mirror and checking her brown eyes to see if it matched with the eyeshadow. She was wearing dark red eyeshadow and clear lip gloss (birthday cake flavored) and some mascara.

"No really, did you?" pressed the redhead. "Did you do it while I was asleep?"

"Yes, I fell in love with Jack while you were sleeping, Lily," Virginia said, and put back the mirror into her purse. "All ready?"

"Har, har, very funny," said Lily sarcastically, "no really, did you?"

"Well, you just looked so peaceful, I figured that I could use a hair change and I didn't want to wake you up, so I took the opportunity to change my hairstyle and hacked off some bits here and there, thank goodness I had that complete hair kit, or else I wouldn't be able to look so cute now! Don't you agree?"

"I suppose," Lily replied, "Yeah, it does look cute…kind of different looking, though, your hair used to be so long, halfway down your back! Now it's halfway down your neck."

"Yes, I know," Virginia said, touching her hair. "Ah, well. If I hate it I'll just use my hair-growing potion that I invented, tastes nasty, but works like a charm."

"Shame that it tastes bad."

"Yes, but enough chit-chat, shall we go?"

"Virginia…I really don't want to go…"

"Oh, come on. We'll go the _Shop Around the Corner_…they're having a book sale today. I think its 37.3860287573949572927252425252525252525252525487 percent off today."

"WHAT?" Lily yelled. She stood up and started jumping around like crazy, excited. "How come you didn't tell me sooner? Honestly, I even would've worn the thong willingly if you had told me, I'm so excited now! Let's go!"

Virginia slung her purse on her shoulder. She linked her arm with Lily's and lifted up her right leg. "To Oz?" She asked.

Lily nodded, grinning. "To Oz!" the redhead replied, and also lifted up her right leg.

Together, the girls sang out, "We're…off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz…" they sang, dashing out of the common room excitedly.

* * *

Up in the Gryffindor Boy's 7th year dorm, there were only two people awake. James Potter was sitting on his bed, reading, and Sirius was sitting on his, daydreaming. 

"Bailey Ashley Hobbs," Sirius thought out loud, sucking on a sugar quill, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…" he took out his real quill and some parchment and ink. He dipped the quill in the ink and started writing on the parchment. "One, thy name is Bailey, two, you're beautiful, three, you're cute, four, you're funny, five, you're fun, six, I love you, seven, you're a good kisser…"

"Oh, Padfoot, must you do this while we're trying to sleep?" James asked, pained, but his hazel eyes were grinning. He was sitting up in bed, however, and was immersed in yet another book.

"Yes, I must Prongs, or else all my ideas will fly out of the window and will never reach my beloved Bailey!" Sirius flung his arms out dramatically, gesturing to the window.

James rolled his eyes, but laughed. "Say, when do you have that date with her, Padfoot?"

Sirius sighed sadly and checked his watch. "Not for another four hours, which is why I'm making this list to surprise her." He started jotting down more things to the list, each saying them out loud.

James flinched when Sirius said, "Thy tongue is sweeter than my sugar quill."

"That's gross, Padfoot!" he said, grossed out, "Don't ever, ever, say that again in my presence…makes me want to vomit." He started retching over the side of his bed, his tongue lolling about.

"Oh, it's not that bad, Prongs…" Sirius said unceremoniously, "hmm…your fart smells like roses…"

"GROSS!" James covered his ears with his pillow. "Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross! You actually _smell _her farts? Ewwwww!"

"What surprises me," said Remus interestedly, now sitting up and joining the conversation, "Is that she's actually passed gas in front of Padfoot…nobody has ever passed gas in front of me, I wonder why?" He thought out loud.

"Moony, my friend, I'm with you," agreed James, "nobody ever has, that is, no girls have."

"Unless you count Chen."

"Well, she doesn't count, as she's my sister."

"Yeah, and she's my best friend, too," said Remus thoughtfully.

"She's not your best friend, Moony, she's your secret _lover_, that's what she is," teased James. "Besides, I thought that little prissy miss old bat Evans was your best friend."

"Besides you, Wormtail and Padfoot, she is. Lily's like a sister to me. I like Lily," he remarked fondly, "but I fancy Chen, you've got that right."

James laughed. "I'm betting she fancies you just the same, but we'll have to see…maybe I'll ask her. We're spending the day together while you're out on a date with your beloved Maddy."

"She's not my beloved, but she is very good-looking," defended Remus. "She's my only chance to get me caught up with the world of Hogwarts."

"You said that last week when you were planning on asking her out. Did she shut up enough for you to ask her?"

"Natch. I'm just so incredibly handsome that my charm and good looks will shut anybody up," said Remus jokingly.

"You sound like an idiot," said James, shaking his head. He turned back to his book.

"What? Somebody say my name?" Sirius's head shot up in confusion.

"We're gossiping about you, mate," Remus told him, and grinned at James.

"Oh, all right. Just don't say anything bad about Bailey." He looked down at his parchment, which was now creeping down to the floor.

"Padfoot…you…are…strange." Spoke up another voice. It came from Peter, who could no longer sleep also. He was sitting up in his bed and grinning at the other three Marauders. They grinned back at him (well, not Sirius, as he was deep in thought about Bailey), and he asked, "So, what were you talking about? I kind of lost track when Remus started talking about how 'handsome' he is."

"Well," said James, pondering, "lets see…ah, yes. Well, the conversation would've died, anyway, so, have any weird dreams, lately, Wormtail?"

Wormtail slumped back onto his pillow, thinking hard. "Well," he said slowly, "I remember vaguely that I was at the Yule Ball from last year…and my partner was Madeline Basset…and she wouldn't shut up—"

"What else is new?" interrupted James, laughing; at the same time Remus said "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Yes, yes," Wormtail agreed to both of them, "She _is_ stunning and won't shut up…anyway, she all of the sudden turned into Professor McGonagall and McGonagall was yelling at me because she said that I cheated on the O.W.L.'s and I said that couldn't be possible because I'm a genius and she can't prove that—"

"What, you did cheat?" Interrupted James, at the same time Remus snorted, "Genius?"

"Okay, I said I was a genius in the dream, although I'm not really in reality, and no, I didn't cheat…really," he added miserably, "but those O.W.L.'s were so bloody hard, could I help it?"

"Yes, you could, you could study, but do go on," replied Remus, who was now rolling on the floor with James, since they were laughing for no apparent reason.

"Well, then we started dancing for some reason (if you can imagine dancing with McGonagall), and then all of the sudden I was in this circle and I was doing all these gymnastics which were awesome, but then—"

By now James and Remus were laughing so hard that they started crying and couldn't breathe.

"What?" Peter asked, bewildered. "Well, anyway, then I did a back flip and accidentally knocked off Snape's nose…"

It took about five minutes for them to calm down.

"Oh, nothing," said James, wiping a tear, "just imagining you doing gymnastics…and dancing with McGonagall…"

Him and Remus glanced at each other, and burst into fits of laughter. Wormtail laughed also, although not as hard as James and Remus.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," said a female voice behind them.

Surprised, James, Wormtail and Remus looked behind them and saw Jennifer Potter standing in the doorway, smirking at them, hands on hips. James grinned at Chen while Peter waved. Remus, however, screeched and dived into his bed, screaming, "Don't look at me! I'm naked! I'm naked!"

James and Wormtail sniggered at Remus. Apparently, he was in a very hyper mood. But Chen, being a good sport played along and screamed, covering her eyes, yelled, "Aaaah! I'm scarred for life! Scarred for life! Seeing Remus naked is never going to leave my memory! My life is ruined!"

"Nerd." James rolled his eyes at Chen. It was so strange how Chen and Remus always flirted with each other, and yet they always went out with other people. Almost as weird how Bailey and Sirius acted around each other.

"I'm not a nerd," protested Chen, "you are, James, with those ugly glasses of yours, why don't you get contacts?"

"Coz Nenny likes them, and so do other girls."

"I don't. And I have the best taste in the world, of course," she added modestly.

"Yeah, sure. I believe you."

"Of course you do. I never lie. Mail," she said, nodding towards the window. There was an emerald-colored bird bobbing up and down excitedly.

"Joey!" James exclaimed excitedly. He leapt up and opened the window and retrieved the owl. He smelled interesting, like perfume. What kind was this perfume and who did he know use it? He glanced at the scroll of parchment and noticed the note on it that said: _Sorry. I don't use this perfume, I just found it on the table this morning in my Common Room, see. But I thought I'd treat you to a little nice smell, although I don't think Joey likes it that much. Ah well. It's called Love Spell, just in case you were wondering._

James laughed at the note happily. Chen rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed next to Peter.

"So Peter," she began conversationally, "how'd you sleep? Any weird dreams last night?" Chen didn't know what they were talking about earlier, so Remus and James exploded with laughter again.

After all the snickering subsided, James turned back to his letter. He unraveled it as it rolled across the floor right next to Sirius's bit of parchment.

"Dear Stag," he read aloud, "Right now its 6 o'clock and I couldn't sleep. The girls in my dorm all snore really badly—"

"Prongs, you hypocrite," said Sirius, finally finishing up his list, "how would you like me to reread my list of why I love Bailey so much?"

"Stag?" Chen turned sharply at the name. "That sounds familiar…"

"Remember, I'm a stag when I transform? Duh, genius…" said James, rolling his eyes. He continued to read in silence while Chen tried to recall where she heard this…this name.

"What list? Let me see," demanded Peter, and he snatched the parchment from Sirius's grasp. As he read it, the expression on his face became more contorted with disgust and amusement. Remus, already being quite hyper, started chuckling at Wormtail's face.

"I love you because you're my night and day?" he read out-loud incredulously. "Your smile is my umbrella…your stormy grey eyes guide me through my storms in life…Sirius…you're high. You're high on something."

"Yup, I am," replied Sirius, grinning, "I'm high on love."

"Sirius, you're insane," said James, shaking his head, but laughing all the same.

Remus couldn't have a comment, as he was laughing too hard to reply.

"Well, I think it's sweet," Chen scolded all of them. She looked at Sirius sharply. "Bailey will love it, Sirius, and will tackle you and smother you with kisses," she said, smiling.

"Thanks," said Sirius, checking his watch. "Only 3 ½ more hours till I see her!" He yelled excitedly.

James groaned. "It's only been a half hour? 3 ½ more hours of this hell?"

"Well, if you want, we could go to Hogsmeade early," suggested Chen. She didn't exactly want to listen to Sirius herself, as much as she loved Sirius like another brother.

"Now that's an idea!" said James excitedly. "Why don't we? I'll quickly get ready and we'll be on our way!"

He leaped up, grabbed some clothes out of this dresser and dashed into the bathroom, tripping over Sirius in the process.

* * *

"Shop, shop, shop, till you drop, drop, drop!" sang out Virginia. This was clearly her type of sport. Who needed to do pushups to get exercise when you could go shopping instead? "Don't you agree, Lily?" 

"Yes," Lily said wearily, and fell over with a _thump_ onto the cushioned chair.

Virginia flipped her short ginger hair back and looked at Lily, sighing. "Honestly, Lily, it's not _that _bad…after all, we've only been gone for, say," she checked her watch, "one hour? Not that much at all. And when we left you were all excited to go!"

"That's because I was excited to go to the Shop Around the Corner, not go to all these stores and do nothing but _look _at clothes that you obviously don't need!" She replied wearily.

"Oh, come on! It's fun!" Virginia picked up a hot-pink shirt. "What do you think?" She asked Lily, holding up the shirt to herself.

"Try it on!" Lily said. "And then let's get out of here! There's a bunch of madwoman glaring at you because you're taking forever to choose! I think they're going to attack," she added nervously.

Virginia glanced at them, unruffled. "They're just jealous that I'm better looking than them," she said calmly, and took off a few more shirts from the rack. "and the fact that I can wear any color and type of clothing no matter what." She snatched about ten more shirts that were all different varieties of pink and flounced off into a dressing room.

Lily groaned. How much longer was this going to be?

"Looks like somebody's as bored and exhausted as I am," spoke up a voice. Lily turned her head. Sitting next to her was a boy with dark skin, dreadlocks, and fathomless black eyes. They were cool to look at. He was a Ravenclaw, but that's all that Lily knew about him.

She nodded and groaned. "Bloody yes," she said, gritting her teeth in annoyance. He laughed.

"I'm here with my sister," he said, jerking his thumb towards a black girl that was probably a year younger than he was. "She makes me go shopping with her all the time…this is about the 15th time this year."

Lily nodded sympathetically. "I'm here with my friend, who is insane and driving me mad."

The boy smirked, showing white, even teeth. "The name's Justin. Justin Giddins." He stuck out his hand. "What's your name?"

"Evans," said Lily, smiling, and grabbed his hand. "Lily Evans," she said, shaking the big hand.

"Evans," he repeated, recalling his memory. "say, you're the Head Girl!"

"Right you are," she said, grinning. "Glad you recognized me!"

"Well, I, being the person I am that don't notice anything; I'm actually amazed that I recognized you. But aren't you that person that hates James Potter?"

Lily scowled. "Don't bring him up again," she warned, brandishing her wand like a sword, "unless you value those dreadlocks."

"Not the locks!" he gasped, grabbing hold of them.

"How come you never notice anything if you apparently go shopping with her all the time?"

"Dunno," Justin said, shrugging. "Probably the fact that I get distracted easily by other things. Like Quidditch," he remarked dreamily.

"You talk about Quidditch like my best friend talks about girls," laughed the redhead.

"What? Gross! I'm disturbed," he backed away from Lily uneasily.

"Don't be ridiculous, he's a boy, not a girl, honestly!" Lily shook her head, laughing.

"Oh," said Justin, much more relieved now. "So, who's your friend? Is she as good looking as you so she must get more clothes?"

"She's quite better looking, actually," said Lily, glancing back at the dressing room. "She's probably going to buy the whole store, since it's based on pink. She's in a 'pink' mood right now, and does whatever possible to get what she wants. That's Virginia for you."

"Virginia? What's her last name?"

"What? Somebody says my name?" asked Virginia, stepping out of the dressing room. "I actually decided not to get any pink at all today, since its fall. So I think I'm going to choose colors that are in more soft earth tones, what do you think, Lily?"

Lily shrugged. Justin, on the other hand, couldn't take his eyes off of Virginia. He let out a slow whistle while Virginia went to a store clerk and dumped all of the clothes on top of the clerk.

"That girl is _very_, very good looking," he said in awe.

Lily snorted. "Wait till you see her best friend, Maddy. A lot of blokes think that she's a goddess."

"A goddess above a goddess? Wow," he uttered.

"Yeah, lots of people really fancy Virginia Wisconsin…"

"She's named after two states in America?"

"Don't you know your geography well!" Lily commented. "Well, her her last name is Wisconsin, and she has interesting American parents, so, they named her Virginia."

"Wow…America the beautiful…"

Lily snickered. "You're pretty entertaining to talk to, Justin."

"Why, thank you."

Virginia came back to Lily and started tugging on her arm. "Lily, let's go now, I'm ready for the next store!"

"Hey, what's your name?" Justin quickly asked Virginia. She turned and smiled sweetly at him.

"Virginia. I'm a 7th year Gryffindor and I love going out to eat, particularly, Italian Food. I'm free next weekend if I'm not shopping. My favorite color is pink, and—"

"LET'S GO!" Lily roared, and dragged her out of the store, which was called So Pink. "Sorry, Justin, you'll have to ask her out later!" she called back, while Virginia sadly waved to Justin.

"Aw, Lily, you shoved me out of a date!" whined Virginia.

"If we're going to go shopping, we're going to do it quick," said Lily, grinding her teeth. "I know Justin was quite cute, but, promise me, you'll be going out with him next weekend. I'll make sure of that. Now can we go to The Shop Around the Corner?"

"No, of course not! We have to buy my earth-toned clothes!"

Lily screamed.

* * *

At this time Sirius and Bailey were walking around on Hogwarts grounds. Sirius took her to a place on the other side of the lake, underneath a tree. 

"Bailey," he began, taking out a big scroll of parchment, "this is for you."

"Oh, Sirius, for me?" Bailey exclaimed. She batted her eyelashes at him, while he smiled seductively back at her.

"Yes, for you," he said, handing her the scroll.

Bailey eagerly unraveled the big long roll of parchment.

"Bailey Ashley Hobbs," she read aloud, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…" As Bailey read on, her stormy grey eyes got wider and wider. So did her smile. She looked like a pumpkin.

Sirius sighed with relief. At least she liked it.

As Bailey finished reading the list, she squealed with joy and tackled Sirius. "I love it!" she shouted with glee, and smothered him with kisses.

_Just as Chen predicted, _thought Sirius triumphantly. They rolled over, snogging heavily, and fell into the lake.

* * *

James quickly prodded the fuse of the firecracker with his wand, and it started hissing and crackling. Snickering, he backed out from underneath the table of Slytherins and raced back to Chen, who was outside of the Three Broomsticks. 

James whipped off the Invisibility Cloak and grinned at Chen. She grinned back and raced to the window just outside the table that ten Slytherins were sitting at. They peeked inside, just in time to see the bangers go off.

The Slytherins, which consisted of a few obnoxious ones that James, Chen, and Sirius particularly disliked, all screamed. One girl jumped up on the table and was trying to fight off one, which apparently had caught onto her pants. She started swinging it around and it flew off and hit another boy in the nose. He squealed loudly (like a pig) and ran around the pub, yelling "Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" Severus Snape was also at the table and was too scared to move. He sat rigid in his chair and hoped nothing would touch him. Unfortunately…

James and Chen guffawed loudly and high-fived each other, enjoying the scene that was laid before them. One banger hit a blonde Slytherin in the back and he did a double back flip, screaming. He jumped down on the floor, wincing. Then, another firecracker exploded in three boys' faces, and they all fell down on top of the blonde boy. He bellowed out an interesting assortment of swearwords.

"Well, pardon my French!" commented Chen on the language. "Sorry, couldn't understand that, what were you saying?"

"Honestly," said James, shaking his head. "they have more crap coming out of their mouths than what goes into toilets."

"We should blow up a toilet after this, just in case we get bored."

"Now that's an idea," remarked James, agreeing. "We'll have to. Maybe Moaning Myrtle's…see what happens."

"Yeah!" said Chen enthusiastically. "Or, we could blow up Madam Puddifoot's bathroom, or something in there, get those disgusting couples to stop snogging and try to have some conversation for once…"

"Now you're talking!" James said eagerly, "or, we could get something to glue their lips together or something, they'd never snog each other again, use a Permanent Sticking Charm, that'd be cool…"

"Oooo, yes! Lily once invented this lip gloss that had a Permanent Sticking Charm on it, of course she had the antidote, and she gave it to her sister for Christmas!" she laughed at the memory. "It was hilarious, she told me all about how her sister was so excited, and then she wore it on a date with some ugly boyfriend of hers, and then when they kissed goodnight, they couldn't get apart for the longest time!"

James snorted and rolled his eyes. Even though he couldn't stand Evans, you had to admit that it was a good idea. "We should do it…but where do we get the lip gloss?"

"I'll ask Lily later when I see her. But come on, let's go to The Shop Around the Corner, they're having a sale!"

"They are?" James asked excitedly. "Let's go!"

They ran off, leaving a bunch of screaming Slytherins back in the pub.

* * *

Lily groaned under the weight of all the shopping bags that Virginia gave her the burden to bear. "I can't believe you, Virginia," she groaned, stumbling over a pebble, "that you treat me like a slave enough to carry all of your bags!" 

Virginia tutted. "Oh, honestly, you're not carrying all of my bags, and besides, it's a good workout to win arm-wrestling with! Besides, I'm carrying some too!"

_That's a bit of an understatement, _thought Lily. "Yeah, seeing as those two petite bags that are probably as big as an engagement ring box are so heavy, I understand why you're giving me the 'easy' load." She said, staring at the tiny bags that had valuable diamond necklaces in them that Virginia was carrying. "Can we go to _The Shop Around the Corner _yet?"

Virginia was astonished. "What? No way! We've only been to…" she counted on her fingers and ran out. "Okay, so we've been to every clothing and cosmetics store in Hogsmeade, so what?"

"SO LET'S GO TO THE STORE THAT I WANT TO GO TO NOW!" Lily yelled, surprising Virginia. "Honestly. Before I drop these bags that you're forcing me to carry, which, at the moment, are slipping right through my fingers and I might accidentally slip on that banana peel and land in that puddle and ruin all your nice new clothes that you bought."

"You're right," Virginia stated thoughtfully, "I'll have to do something about it." She took out her wand, and Lily smiled, relieved. However, her smile faded when Virginia said, "_Impervius_! There, now if you fall, the bags won't get ruined!"

Lily sighed. "You just don't get it, do you?"

"Hmmm?" asked Virginia, studying her map of Hogsmeade.

Lily just rolled her eyes and muttered, "_Wingardium leviosa_" and started levitating the bunches of bags that she was carrying. "Say, Virginia, can we go to _The Shop Around the Corner_, _please_?"

"Why, certainly, oh patient one," Virginia said sarcastically, "shall we go?"

"YES!" cried Lily, exasperated.

Virginia shrugged. "If you say so," she said, and they stalked off to the store, which was just around the corner.

Unfortunately for Lily, her worst enemy was there also.

"YOU!" shrieked Lily, just as the same time James Potter shouted, "YOU!"

Chen and Virginia greeted each other quite informally, hugging each other and smiling and chatting happily, while in the meantime, Lily and James had whipped out their wands and were circling each other like animals getting ready for a huge bloody battle.

"Oh, please," said Virginia, rolling her eyes. "You two are such idiots."

"Don't start a fight in Hogsmeade!" Chen implored, annoyed.

Lily and James paid them no mind, and were about to fire off hexes at each other's throats, when just in the nick of time, Virginia pulled out her own wand and yelled, "_Expelliarmus!_" James and Lily's wands came flying out of their hands.

"Virginia," Lily and James whined.

Virginia shook her head, and stuffed the wands in her roomy purse. "No way," she said, patting the purse to make sure they were snug, "Honestly. Stop fighting. You two are like a bunch of two-year olds. How immature."

Lily and James glared at each other, guilty. If it was possible to guiltily glare at someone, Lily Evans and James Potter made it possible. Still glaring, they went their separate ways throughout the book store.

"Look at those two," Chen muttered, "Why can't they get along? It's so stupid, how they hate each other."

"Do you even know why they hate each other?" asked Virginia.

"Well, in 4th year he teased her too much, so she was really rude to him, and then in 5th year he crossed the line of bullying Snape, so she 'officially' hated him, and so he just gave up and hated her. I think."

"That has got to be the stupidest reason I have ever heard for anyone hating each other. I can't believe the Headmaster made them Head Boy and Girl. They're probably going to kill each other the next meeting they have to have."

"They better not," Chen said grimly, "they have to plan the upcoming ball."

Virginia snorted with laughter. "Can't wait to see how that turns out," she said, giggling.

Chen smirked and imagined the Great Hall partially decorated with crappy decorations, frightened House-Elves, people dancing to Nearly Headless Nick's orchestra, and Lily and James wrestling on the refreshment table.

She shared this with Virginia and the two girls started guffawing so loudly and hard that they couldn't stop.

"Hmmm…what books should I get?" Lily murmured to herself, browsing the MUGGLE BOOKS section, "I could get Les Miserables, but I already read that ten times, or I could get The Count of Monte Cristo, or perhaps A Little Princess…Oh, what the heck. I'll get all three." She swiped them off of the shelves and continued looking. "Should I get this book? Oh, wow…" she took it off of the shelf and looked at it. On the cover there was a drawing of a stick-figure girl, with a star above it. She turned it to the side and read out loud, "Stargirl. Hmmm." She opened the book and started to read. As she got to the 5th page, she laughed and shut the book. "I'll get it." She added it to her pile of books (which held about thirty-five by now) and left the section.

James Potter was looking at some books in the SPECIAL SECTION. He snatched about five or six, and added it to his pile (most likely as big as Lily's) and strolled over to the cashier. He smiled at her as her eyes widened at the sight of his number of books. "Planning to eat or sleep at all this century, James?" she asked, taking the books and ringing them up.

"Wow, Potter, I never knew that you could read, that's an amazing feat for you, isn't it?" drawled Lily from behind James.

James whirled around. "I bet I read more than you do," he challenged.

"Wow!" exclaimed the girl behind the counter, excited. "I have two star readers in the same bookstore! You must be friends!"

James and Lily snorted. "Yeah right," said James, rolling his eyes. "I wouldn't be friends with him if my life counted on it," said Lily.

Virginia leaned over to the girl and whispered loudly, "They're engaged, and they only fight for the attention, in case you can't tell."

This statement sounded so absurd to Lily and James that they smirked at each other, and said no more as they paid for their books.

As Lily and Chen left the store (James and Virginia decided to walk and talk together), Chen asked, "Would it really kill you to get along with James, Lily?" she asked timidly.

Lily glared at her. "Yes, if you knew how much I hated that…that…"

"That thing," concluded James, "then you would know how I feel."

"No, not really," said Virginia, shaking her head. "I hated this one Ravenclaw I dated, but you don't see me hexing him whenever I can. Besides, I thought that you two had a moment back there in the shop when you smiled at each other."

"Even if that was true," said James,

"Which it isn't, it lasted for a brief two seconds," said Lily. Chen rolled her eyes and checked her watch. "Say, don't you have a date with Derrick soon?" she asked Lily.

Lily checked her own watch and gasped. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, and shoved all of her bags into Chen's arms. "Could you carry those the rest of the way back? I've got to go!" she shouted, and took off running, at the same time that James did.

The only way that Lily and James were on time for their dates was the fact that they raced each other (each trying to trip the other) back and barely made it on time, although quite out of breath.

* * *

A/N: All done. I'm stupid. I just realized that they didn't have thongs in the 70's. My friend just repeated the history of the thong to me. Heh. Whoops. 

**Okay, so I haven't exactly had Lily and James (more of Stag and Irish) "meet" each other yet. I don't really have time. But I thank you so much again and again and again for reading this story! **

**smell you later!**

**Jade**


	5. The Secret Letters

Disclaimer: I, JadeGreen14, do solemnly swear that I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's things, seeing as they belong to her. Now stop pointing those guns at me! I also don't own You've Got Mail.

Plot: This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

I told you I'd update in June...and ended up updating on the very last day.

_

* * *

_

_Irish—_

_I was in Hogsmeade once and I tried to pull a prank on some unsuspecting people. It was funny to see the way they reacted. I had meant to put an Ice Charm in front of them so they'd slip around and fall, but instead I accidentally (considering me and my atrocious Charms) put the Ice charm on a poor boy. A girl was holding his hand when all of the sudden she screamed out, "your hands are just like ICE!" and then looked at him. He was totally frozen solid and I had to immediately perform a Charm that produced heat (thank goodness this one worked) to melt the ice. I was lucky that those people never noticed that I did it._

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Once I tried to teach one of my friends how to ride a bike, and in return she would teach me how to ride a broom. I was lucky I learned fast when riding the broom, but unfortunately, she couldn't learn to ride the bike. The child was incapable of moving her legs. She got on the bike and waited for it to move (or perhaps fly away) and ended up falling over. With about 2 hours of patience (I'm quite lucky that I'm pretty patient) and a lot of teaching, she managed to go for a ride around the block and didn't even crash into anything…until when she got back to my house and crashed into my tree. I nearly died laughing and my parents were so proud of her that they were too busy congratulating her to even notice that she was bleeding on the knee._

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_I think I may be just like your friend. I can't ride a bike worth nuts and if I tried now, I would probably fall over and knock out my two front teeth. However, it's a good thing that you can ride a broom, because another thing we have in common is brooms. I love flying on my broom. It can really help me relax and think better, and even solve big problems I've encountered in my life. What helps you relax? What is your secret escape? Is it literal? Is it figurative? Is it like mine?_

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Now that you mention it, I think I've found a new escape for myself. But, I won't tell you where it is. Only that I love it, and I'm always going to go there whenever I can. It's a wonderful place. I can even just hold my breath all week, and then when I get there, I let it all out, and holding my breath will have been worth it. I won't tell you where this place is, however. One hint: you could search for hours and never find it. It might even be under your very nose, and then again, it could be hours away. But I love it._

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_I once was at my great aunt's funeral (always used to ask me if I wanted a butterbeer) and I found a paperclip to entertain me and my short attention span... I was about 8 at the time, so it was before I went to Hogwarts. I also had a pen at the time and so I stuck the paperclip into that little tube that held the ink. (My mum didn't trust me with quills and ink.) I was trying to straighten it out, but when I took out the paperclip, not only was it still crooked, but it had this big glob of ink on it. I didn't think there was that much ink on it, so I wiped it off with my hand. Big mistake. It got all over my hand, so I tried to get it off by using my other hand. Again, big mistake. Now I had ink on both hands, and so what do I do to cope with this situation? Why, I hit myself on the forehead! And ended up getting ink on my forehead too. So, eventually, by the end of the funeral, I had ink all over my clothes. Mum, to my amusement, was not pleased in the slightest, but Dad was laughing so hard that they let me off. It was something to brighten the mood after a depressing day of funerals._

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_That made my day! I was laughing so hysterically that I had to leave lunch early to laugh. I remember once I was sitting around in some club meeting (this was when I was about 10) with a bunch of my friends and we were writing down reasons why boys should be put to death. I couldn't think of any reasons because I never had anything against boys (except this one boy who teased me a lot and made me cry) and so I spent it sucking on my pen. Unfortunately, the ink was very…"suckable" and a lot of it ended up in my mouth. It was disgusting and took about 10 minutes to wash out._

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_You know what? I really appreciate all your letters because it's been pretty tough at school right now. I haven't been getting along with some people lately and not even a ride out on my broom can solve anything. It's just that I can't stand this one person and we can never get along. We fight all the time. The other day we were fighting and cursed each other the whole time. I'm kind of sick of it. Should I just avoid this person as much as possible? Change of subject… I was at Hogsmeade this weekend and the only thing I bought was this ale. I don't know why. And then some of my friends decide to get French Bread…would that be too random to you?_

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings._

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_Oy! I just discovered a passage out of the school. Rather fascinating. Me and my friends went out of it and wandered around for a bit. Luckily, we got back before anybody fell asleep. But it was really neat. It was big and dark and (a bit) scary._

_By the way, that advice worked really well. Even though I can't stand this person, at least we're not hexing each other every five seconds._

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Once me and some of my "groupies" snuck out of bed to go to the kitchens and ended up getting lost. We were probably the luckiest people alive, because we didn't run into Filch or his cat, and Peeves was being nice. I think it's because he got drunk off of something._

_Same for me and my "mutual enemy." It's working out very nicely._

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_I can't stand Peeves, or Mrs. Norris or Filch. Do not ever mention those slime to me again. Or else. Only joking, really. But those…creatures don't really tickle my fancy. I wouldn't exactly fancy a cup of tea with them any day, out of fear that Peeves would spew tea all over me, and Mrs. Norris would snub it anyways, and Filch would most likely give me a detention for trying to poison him. I would never poison anybody, but it's a nice thought._

—_Stag_

_Dear Irish—_

_I can't believe it's already November. The last few months have been going by in a fast and cold November breeze. I can't wait till the end of term, however. I think it'll be wicked when I finally get a break from all this pressure on my shoulders._

_I think I found a good beans recipe._

_239 beans_

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Hey, thanks for the recipe! I was wandering around in Hogsmeade the other day, when to my surprise, I saw a butterfly. It was floating around, and I assumed it was going into "To Top it Off" to buy a hat, which would be a mistake, as all hats would be, considering if you're a butterfly. _

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_What's your favorite color?_

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Green. What's yours?_

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_Orange. What's your favorite number?_

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_What is this, an interrogation? I refuse to answer! Only joking, my favorite number is 7. And yours?_

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_382. Don't ask why._

—_Stag_

_Stag—_

_Why?_

—_Irish_

_Irish—_

_I told you, don't ask why! Merlin! Just joking. Do you think that we should meet?_

—_Stag_

James hesitated a minute, then sealed the letter and sent it off.

When Lily received it and read it, she was stunned slightly. "Meet? Whoa…" she put the letter away and sat there, stunned.

* * *

A/N: I didn't exactly rewrite this. Instead, I deleted a bunch because length doesn't matter, only plot. Now that sounded weird...I sounded all...wise...and philosophical. 

**Note: I am leaving the entire month of July, and I fear I won't have much time to write chapter 6 at all. I am so sorry! I really won't have any time at all.  
**

** Other things I wanted to talk about was some of the stories and "happenings" in this chapter. Bailey's story on her learning how to ride a bike was actually my own experience on learning how. I learned how to ride, went around the block, didn't know how to stop, crashed, my family congratulating me even though I was in pain and had a very bad bloody knee, but it was worth it. I love riding my bike.**

**Well, I'll probably be having them meet in a chapter soon. I think maybe...chapter 7? Not 6, there's just gonna be more fighting but Lily will ask Stag if he still wants to meet. Thanks for reading!**

**smell you later!**

**Jade **


	6. In the Hall of the Mountain King

**A/N:** GEEZE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! I nearly went NUTS because I was sick of it. I was writing and re-writing this draft SO many times, so you had better appreciate it! Yeah...I'm a little insane right now. But hey-- I was cooped up in a car for 12 hours! You'd be a little crazy too! But yeah...here's the chapter...I'm pretty proud of it, actually. I'll try and update on the next chapter as soon as I can. For now, enjoy this... thing.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or any of J.K. Rowling's characters in any way. so sue me. Well, don't. I'm too poor! I also don't own You've Got Mail and it's plot.

**Plot:** This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

* * *

If you were to ask Lily Evans how she was feeling, she would have to tell you that she was starving to death. She was never one for waking up in the middle of the night to hear and feel her stomach attempting to solo Beethoven's 9th Symphony in D minor, Op. 125, especially since it doesn't always sound very good when soloed _or _when played in the stomach, and since her stomach was doing both, this was no picnic. Not even the bravest soul would attempt to go back to sleep on this orchestra-wannabe stomach, and Lily Evans was no wuss. 

"Shut up!" She instructed her stomach.

She wasn't too big of a fan of Beethoven, but she had her moments, especially when listening to "Ode to Joy." (Although Lily didn't know it, the symphony included "Ode to Joy.") That was such a good song that always made her smile, which was needed in this time of year, especially the way everybody was acting.

Let me back up a little.

By now it was early December, and a slight chilly attitude was settling over Hogwarts. The term was going to end soon, and students were under much more stress. There was more homework than ever and projects were due. It was very stressful with the students venting out their frustration by jinxing anything that moved or disturbed them. Filch had to clean up all the messes which was not pleasant at all, and he was very grumpy and gave out a whole lot of detentions. Madam Pomfrey had her work cut out for her, mending broken noses to swelling rear ends to glued-together fingers. The only happy people were Dumbledore and Flitwick. Flitwick taught everyone in sight a Cheering Charm to help out those who got sudden nervous breakdowns. Needless to say, the people at Hogwarts were a hysterically happy and stressed-out bunch.

Lily rolled over and glanced at the clock. It indicated that the time happened to be 2:56 a.m. She groaned, and turned over on her stomach. She punched her pillows a few times (It has been rumored many, many times that Lily Evans spent her spare time practicing boxing. Witnesses have recounted how they have either seen Lily deck some random person that was a jerk, particularly James Potter, and her friends have revealed some little bits of wisdom to us that she has her own punching bag in her room. If this were true, then Lily punching her pillows would probably be like flicking an insect in comparison. Interesting, no?), and hugged one of them close. She promptly closed her eyes again.

They shot back open as her stomach did a magnificent crescendo, into a very intense part of this 9th Symphony. She groaned again and clutched at her stomach. Lily closed her eyes again.

"GAH!" Lily shot up in her bed. "Oh, fine. You win. Stupid hungry stomach…"

Lily put on her slippers and got out of bed. As she put on her dressing gown, she noticed Maddy blinking drearily at her.

"Somebody attacking you, Lily?" She asked, yawning.

"It's called my stomach," Lily shot back irritably. She flounced out of the dorm.

When she was in the common room, she moaned and ran out of the portrait. She flew down the halls, slid down some banisters, rebuked some ghosts, laughed at some dogs, and drooled hungrily until she finally, finally, _finally _got to the kitchens.

"Finally!" She said, and tickled the pear. Somehow, she luckily managed to get to the kitchens without getting caught.

Lily yanked open the door and climbed inside. Some house-elves (now how on _earth _did they manage to stay up all day and all night?) came towards Lily and asked, "What can we do for you, miss?"

Lily replied, "Just get me some apples and a peanut butter sandwich,"

One of the elves raised his eyebrow at her. "'Tis not good to end sentences in commas, miss," he reprimanded her.

Lily sighed and continued, "and some sausages, and fried eggs, and some bread and butter, and a bacon sandwich."

They all ran off after curtseying and bowing as they searched for more food. Lily looked around and wandered the kitchens. She made conversation with some of the elves while they prepared her midnight snack. Lily was inspecting a portrait of a roasting boar when suddenly her walk was cut short as she bumped into somebody large.

"Oops!" she exclaimed, and looked up. It was James Potter. "Oh, you," she said flatly.

"Yes, me, Evans," said James without smiling. He was holding a huge armful of food, including several different flavors of chips. Lily stared at it hungrily. She had not gotten her food yet.

"No need to be so pessimistic, Potter, I was only making a statement," said Lily as she looked the other way.

James snorted. "Pessimistic? Me? Who sounded so excited to see me?"

"Obviously, I was simply saying that it was you, and not that you were some monster," Lily replied, her stomach finishing the 9th symphony. It had a grand ending, and it was fitting, seeing as Lily's food was finished and prepared for her to tackle.

"Always lovely to know that I'm a monster," said James conversationally. He popped a chip into his mouth and dipped his finger into some ranch dressing.

"Not that you _aren't _a monster," said Lily, taking a sausage for herself, "just not literally."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, Evans, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your insults. I can always count on you to put me down."

"Right back at you, Potter!" Lily ate another sausage. While she reached for her third, she accidentally flicked some ranch dressing on him. "Whoops," she said nonchalantly as she watched the dressing fall onto his glasses.

"I'd get back at you, but I'm too nice and too tired," said James as he wiped off his glasses.

Lily snorted and tossed some more dressing. It landed in his hair and dribbled down to his ear. James frowned.

"Not funny, Evans," he reprimanded. "I'm too tired for funny things."

"Since you're obviously the king of funny," said Lily, rolling her eyes, "I suppose that I'm just absolutely the worst of all." She dipped her sausage into his remaining dressing and slowly ate it in front of him, chomping noisily and showing all of the debris in her mouth. "Mmm….." she said loudly.

"You are cruel," he said angrily. "I'm in no mood to be tested." He snatched one of her sausages and popped it into his mouth.

Lily studied him as she took some chips from his pile. She popped them into her mouth, and said while her mouth was full, "It's amazing that I haven't murdered you after all these years."

"And I," said James, leaning back in his spot, "am amazed that I actually liked a monster like you."

Lily choked and snorted some of her chips.

"Wha – wha – I'm a monster?" she coughed out.

"You're the biggest jerk I know, Evans." He glared at her as he crunched on an apple.

"I am not. I am not!" She snapped. Her smile faded. "Maybe a jerk to you."

"Not just to me, you know," he said angrily, "you're a jerk to some people, and you can be so fake. The way you ooze with sweetness makes me sick. I have the urge to slap you, and everything you do is obnoxious!"

"I am _not a jerk!_" She spat out. "Okay? I can't believe you! Like you're any better. You hex anybody who moves – "

" – and we already went over this in fifth year, Evans," James said over her. "You don't need to remind me of how big of a jerk I was."

"And yet here you are, telling _me _how big of a jerk _I _am. I am _not _a jerk, James Potter, and you know that!" Her fists started to hurt from being clenched so hard for so long.

"I just thought I'd give you a taste of your own medicine, Evans," James said, starting to yell, "because you know what? You're not perfect, like you think you are!"

"I _don't _think I'm perfect, because if I did, then I would be so much worse than I apparently am – "

" – Evans, let's get it straight. You are not REAL. You are made of rubber and plastic and porcelain!" He snapped. "You may look like the perfect person on the outside – "

"Stop it, Potter. I am _not _perfect."

" – the ideal that everybody loves – "

"Potter. Stop. Talking. Now. You have no _heart._"

" – the one who sticks up for others, but maybe if you bleeding got over yourself then you'd realize that even the so-called JERKS you label actually have _feelings._"

By now Lily felt and knew she looked livid and ready to slap. She forgot her hunger, and pretty much everything. She knew that James would never hurt her physically, but right now he was just being brutal.

His voice lowered dangerously, so low that his voice was practically unheard. "But since you're so bloody plastic, you wouldn't realize that."

"STOP!"

There was a silence. The elves looked frightened at what would happen next, and stood cowering in the corner. Lily stood up, and said in a shaking voice, "And have you, Potter, ever felt plastic as hard as _this_?" And with an almighty swing, she punched him in the face.

His mouth didn't begin to bleed as her fist made contact, but it made a tad bit of a crunch. He retorted, "And here, I rest my case." He stood up and towered over her. For a moment, Lily thought that he was going to slap her. But instead, he stepped almost gentlemanly-like aside, picked up the rest of his food, apologized to the elves ("sorry about the mess") and strode out of the room in a huff.

Lily sank to the floor. Although she was not the one who had been socked, although she was not the one who had thrown the most insults, and although she had every excuse in the world to feel somewhat triumphant for that deck she packed, she felt sick.

If you were to ask Lily Evans how she was feeling, she would probably throw up on you and moan and groan and agonize and prefer the feeling of listening to Beethoven's Ninth. Or better yet, perhaps In the Hall of the Mountain King. Because Lily was in that hall, and the King had smacked her a good one.

* * *

The next morning, Lily called for Joey, who came immediately. She snatched a quill and some parchment and wrote,

_Help. I need help. Badly. Urgently. Would you still like to meet? -Irish_

She sent it off. About 10 minutes later, to her delight, she got a letter back again with the words,

_Yes! Immediately. When? Where? -Stag

* * *

_

**A/N:** So there you have a huge fight between Lily and James. James unleashes his built-in anger and Lily gets pissed about that. Of course, who wouldn't? Anyways, I'm just so glad that's over with. I can't wait for the next chapter, in fact, because I know exactly what I'm going to do for it! squee Auf wiedersehen!

**Jade**


	7. The Rose by Another Name

**A/N: **I figured I might as well update it SOMETIME, and I did. How happy are you for me, or what? Did that make any sense? I never make sense.

**Disclaimer: **Owneth notteth You'veth Gotteth Maileth OReth Harryeth Pottereth. Soundeth liketh somebodyeth hath a lispeth.

**Plot: **This is based on You've got Mail, a story where two cyberspace buddies (boy and girl, of course) fall in love, even when they don't know each other's names. But in real life, they are actually total enemies who can't even stand each other at all. I put some stuff right out of the movie into this, but other stuff I just added. I hope you like it.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this." 

"What do you think she's going to look like?"

"Padfoot, you're not supposed to say that," James complained, exasperated as he and Sirius walked down a street in Hogsmeade, heading towards the Three Broomsticks. "You're supposed to say, 'James, I know you can do this, it's going to be _fine_. Besides, if she's ugly, then you can always just dump her.' Try that."

"Prongs, you know that I'm shallow." Sirius scratched his ear as he kicked the snow on the ground. He looked at James, who was feeling really nervous and annoyed. "But – I know you can do this. Just don't break her heart."

"No! What if she looks like an owl?" James cried. "Okay, I'm going back!" He whipped around and started to head back towards Hogwarts, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

"You're going to go in there and act like a man, Prongs. If not, then I will go in there myself and successfully seduce the girl on the spot," he threatened, his eyes narrowing. "I will not be ashamed of my friend. Repeat after me…"

"I will not go in there. I'm too scared. I admit! The sorting hat shouldn't have put me in Gryffindor! I'm too wimpy!" James nervously tugged at a string in his jacket. "I'm going back…" he turned around again and started towards the school.

"You go back to Hogwarts and stand this girl up, James…" Sirius thought for a moment and smiled. "And I'll tell Evans that you have a blow-dryer."

"_You wouldn't dare!_" James whirled around and whipped out his wand, brandishing it in front of Sirius's face threateningly. "You tell Evans about the dryer, and I'll tell Bailey that you sleep in – "

"You tell Bailey _anything _about what I wear to bed and I go straight to Dumbledore with – "

"_Fine!_" James sighed, exasperated. "I'll do it! But you owe me, big time."

The two boys put away their wands, breathing hard. They glared at each other, but then suddenly Sirius started to smirk. They both laughed uneasily at each other after realizing that they were acting like idiots.

"I'll still be really annoyed, however, if she ends up looking like a mailbox or something."

"Or what if she's Nenny? I'd laugh," Sirius said, half-joking, half-serious. "That would be the funniest thing ever, finding out that your soul-mate is your girlfriend. But really, I wish you'd break up with her. The girl drives me mad."

"If this girl is better-looking than Nenny, then I _will _break up with her," James declared as they turned a corner. The Three Broomsticks was nearing closer.

"Which one, the Irish girl or Nenny?" Sirius asked.

"Nenny."

"Okay, she said that she'd meet me in the Three Broomsticks," James babbled, "and she'd be sitting at a corner table with a book and a rose."

"How in the name of Merlin did you get to know this girl, anyhow?" Sirius queried, scratching his shoulder. "And how come you didn't even tell me until now?"

"I met her three or four years ago through some pen-pal service," James explained, undoing the top button on his shirt, "and I didn't tell you because you'd make fun of me."

"I never would make fun of you for something like that!" Sirius defended, looking outraged. James raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe I would," Sirius grumbled, grinning slightly afterward.

"Exactly. But we talked basically about nothing – " James continued.

"Sounds fascinating, your love story is about _nothing._"

"It is. And we decided to finally meet."

They stopped suddenly, staring up at the pub.

"Well, we're here!" Sirius rang out cheerfully.

"I am well aware of that, Padfoot," James grumbled, losing his nerve yet again.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Sirius asked impatiently. "The Russian Circus? We don't have all day, you know!"

"Erm, Padfoot?" James asked apprehensively.

"Yes, Prongs," Sirius said, switching to his voice that he used when talking to very stupid little children.

"You want to check for me? You know, just look in the window for a girl with a book and a flower…I'm kind of worried." He smiled eagerly at Sirius, who guffawed.

"Just say it, Prongs, you're shallow. Very, very, very shallow." He sniggered again, slapping James on the back, who squawked in protest at this label. "But there's nothing wrong with that," Sirius added hastily, "because I'm just as shallow as well. And because you're just like me, I will oblige happily." He strolled up to the window and started glancing around.

"Sirius, I cannot thank you enough for doing this for me," James declared, kicking up snow and watching it hit passersby. "I'll do almost anything for you. You name it. I'll polish your shoes, I'll keep all your secrets –"

"What, you don't keep my secrets? Forget about trusting _you _ever again!" Sirius exclaimed, attempting a death glare at James.

"Sirius. Back to the window…" James turned his finger around in a circle, so as Sirius would get the point.

He turned back and started suddenly. He leaned closer to the window, and then turned around with a grin on his face that James interpreted as phony. "Say Prongs, didn't you say one time that you thought that Lily Evans was attractive?"

"Who cares about Lily Evans at a time like this? Yes, I think she's attractive," James admitted impatiently. "But that doesn't matter, I don't care about Evans. But did you see Irish?"

"If you don't care about Lily Evans, then you aren't going to care about this girl, James," Sirius said slowly.

"Why?" James asked jerkily.

"Because the girl you're in love with _is _Lily Evans," said Sirius, with all the frankness he could offer.

James started snickering. "You're joking. Nice one, Sirius, but not that funny. Now turn around and look for her. You're getting me down." He rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood, or else I would've really abused you for bad taste in jokes."

"James, I'm not joking. I'm dead serious, because Irish is Lily Evans. She's reading a book, she has a rose… look for yourself." He pointed to the window.

James leapt up and sprang towards the window. He looked in and gasped. There sat Lily, reading her book, _Pride and Prejudice_.

"No! Wait! Surely there must be another girl that has a book and a flower – no – no – it can't be!" He glanced around from every girl he saw, but the ones that had flowers were with blokes already, and the ones with books didn't have flowers.

James felt sick. "I feel sick."

Sirius glanced at him. "You're green, too," he observed, "You want to go back? I could wreak some havoc and somehow manage to close the Three Broomsticks, and you would've had to cancel your little love-nest meeting anyway."

James sank into the snow, soaking his pants. "Irish is… is… Lily Evans…" he repeated weakly.

Sirius stared at him, thinking. Then he started abruptly. "Pretend."

James glanced up at him. "Huh?"

"Pretend," Sirius repeated, circling James sitting in the snow. "Pretend that your cheeks are not wet, that you're not cold, that you have never met Lily Evans… pretend, Prongs."

"Why?" James asked, bewildered. "I can't exactly _do _that, Padfoot, you see, it's kind of hard to forget that your bum is very cold and that the girl you dislike strongly is your pen pal."

"So pretend. Remember when you first met?" Sirius stopped in front of James.

"No."

"So make it up. Pretend you never met, and act like you two are going to be friends," Sirius advised. "Pretend."

"Sirius, I _can't, _I won't, and I don't have any desire to pretend that I never met this girl," James said, exasperated, waving his hands and tossing some snow at Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "You asked for my advice." He threw a snowball at James, which knocked his glasses off.

"You know what? Your advice stinks." James tackled Sirius, who yelped, "Just go in there, then!"

James stopped, and sighed. "I _do _owe it to Irish… Stag does, anyway."

James went in and saw Lily, who was just refusing somebody to take her extra chair she had. "No, no, I'm sorry, I'm waiting for somebody to come," she said, looking up and making eye-contact with James. She immediately opened her book and started reading it once again.

James strolled right over to the table. "Well, well, well," he said, stopping by Lily, "Lily Evans."

She waved a hand at him, eyes still on her book.

"Mind if I sit here?" He started to pull out the chair opposite of Lily, who immediately grabbed it.

"Yes! Yes, I mind. Don't sit there," she said hastily. There was an edge of annoyance in her voice.

"Well, well, well. _Pride and Prejudice_, right? I bet you read that every chance you get, Evans," James said snidely. "I bet you just love that Mr. Darcy… and… and… what's-her-face, whoever that is, and you're just hoping that they're going to get together, although you've read that book time after time after time after time!"

"Potter…" Lily said warningly.

"I won't stay long," James said, taking the chair and sitting down. Madam Rosmerta glanced over and called to James, "Say James, would you care for anything? A nice butterbeer, perhaps?" She eyed Lily. "You too, Lily?"

"No thank you," Lily called, throwing James a look, "and nothing for Potter here, either. He is not _staying_."

"Yes I am," James said abruptly. "What makes you think that I'm not staying?" He asked, insulted. "Bring us two butterbeers, please," he called. He turned to Lily. "Just common courtesy for me to bring us both some butterbeers," he explained.

"First of all, you just said you wouldn't stay," Lily began, "And second, I am saving that spot for somebody."

"No, I said that I wouldn't stay _long_," James defended. "I believe there is a difference. Who's this man of yours?"

"Somebody totally and completely unlike you," Lily said happily, "he is funny, he has the most _wonderful _sense of humor, he is kind, he is sensitive, he somehow always knows when I need some love, and he is the most wonderful person you will ever meet," she counted off, smiling off at the doors, as if waiting for a superhero to come flying through the doors and rescue her from talking to James.

"There's one flaw he has," said James, disgusted, "he. Is. Not. Here."

"But he will be."

"But he's not right now," said James simply. "Too bad, you'll have me for company. Not that I'm bad company," he added. He glanced at the book again. "How's old _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"Elizabeth Bennett is the name of the heroine in the story," she told James, "and she is one of the most amazing and complex characters ever written, not that you would know anything about good literature," she added sarcastically, sending him another glare.

"Actually, I've read _Pride and Prejudice_," replied James. "A very good read, in fact. I just simply forgot Elizabeth's name, but that doesn't mean that I haven't read good literature."

Lily looked surprised. "Really? You read that?" she asked.

"Yes, and if you knew me better then you'd realize that I'm not all that bad, Evans," James retorted.

"But if I already knew you, I know what I'd find," snapped Lily, "I would find a golden snitch instead of a brain, and ashes mixed with Galleons for the body inside." She smirked at James.

"You're not very kind," James stated.

"You weren't kind to me either a few weeks ago, but you don't see me declaring it," said Lily, glancing over at Rosmerta.

"Yes, you did," James said, "and then you punched me in the face. It hurt, as I recall," he said sarcastically, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

"Leave, please," Lily said quietly, staring at James intently. "I beg of you. Leave."

James nodded and went over to get the butterbeers. He came back and handed one to Lily. "Your butterbeer, Evans," he said, and sat in a chair behind her.

"Thank you for the butterbeer, and thank you for leaving," she told James, who nodded and began to drink.

He turned around after downing his butterbeer. "Still not here, eh?" he glanced at the door.

"No, and I wish you would keep out of my own personal business."

"Try not to, but I can't help it. It's fate, I tell you," James said half-seriously. He looked at the doors again and saw Sirius walk in. "Think it's Sirius?"

"I'd rather it wouldn't be him," replied Lily, sighing. When Bailey walked in behind him, Lily heaved a sigh of relief.

"What if he's your boyfriend, old what's-his-face?" James asked casually, stirring his butterbeer with his wand.

"Why are you doing this?" Lily asked, sounding extremely perturbed. "Is it your idea of fun to tell me how bratty I am, and then taunt me and pretty much just torture me? I don't find this funny at all, Potter."

James looked down into his glass. _I didn't find it funny that you're Irish, _he thought, staring into the bottom of the butterbeer.

Lily continued, "Potter, it would make me happiest if you left. People might not be able to remember me, but those who do will remember that I was kind, fun, and a fine person. You are nothing but a robe."

James felt crestfallen. "That's my cue," he said, and left.

* * *

**A/N: **Geeze, I'm glad they finally met. I thought this chapter would never come. Yeah, I'm lazy. Whatever. Anyway, I'll try to update sooner! Thanks for reading! 

**-Jade**


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